Fun_People Archive
12 Oct
With Apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan (yet again)

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Thu, 12 Oct 100 15:51:18 -0700
To: Fun_People
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Subject: With Apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan (yet again)

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From: Steve Smolian. Author, sadly, unknown....


 A song for George W. Bush:



 I am the very model of a candidate Republican
 I'm running for the president because my daddy said I can.
 I tout the NRA and quote the latest right-wing rhetoric,
 I don't eat Japanese food 'cause my daddy said I might get sick.

 I'm very well acquainted with the CEOs of industry
 They give me cash and I perform exactly what they want from me!
 I never have a moment's pause about the error of my ways;
 That's just the way we play the game of state governance nowadays.

 Chorus: That's just the way we play the game of state governance nowadays;
 (3x)

 I don't like reading heavy books or working on that vision thing;
 It's easier to kowtow to the Christian Right on everything!
 And so, because I tend to do exactly what they say I can
 I am the very model of a candidate Republican!

 Chorus: And so, because he tends to do exactly what they say he can
 He is the very model of a candidate Republican!

 I think kids will stop having sex if teachers just teach abstinence
 (I never said my social programs had to actually make sense);
 I've got a secret plan to combat gangs and teenage pregnancy--
 I'll use the budget surplus to give everyone cable TV!

 I'm tough on drugs and like to cut state-sponsored treatment to the bone
 Just throw 'em all in jail and they can figure it out on their own!
 I'm big on education and that's really not surprising since
 I've got a somewhat iffy grasp on people's names and world events.

 Chorus: He's got a somewhat iffy grasp on people's names and world events
 (3x)

 I'm anti-gay and anti-choice and anti-anything you will,
 To prove myself in Texan terms I signed the Concealed Weapons bill!
 And so, because there's never any question I'm a manly man
 I am the very model of a candidate Republican!

 Chorus: And so, because there's never any question he's a manly man
 He is the very model of a candidate Republican!

 I sort of missed serving in Vietnam for reasons various--
 It's not exactly wrong to say my young life was nefarious,
 But hey, I've changed my ways, and no one cares about that anyway;
 Compared to Clinton I look like a halo-wearing white hombre.

 Some people say that I'm an amateur and this just makes me sore;
 They ought to know I've been in politics since nineteen-ninety-four!
 I'm not quite cut out for the job but I'm one up on everyone:
 I'm cute and rich and best of all I'm President George Bush's son!

 Chorus: He's cute and rich and best of all he's President George Bush's son!
 He's cute and rich and best of all he's President George Bush's son!
 He's cute and really really rich and best of all he's Poppy Bush's son!

 My brother's name is Jeb and he's a state governor just like me;
 Between the two of us we'll build a twenty-year Bush dynasty!
 And so, because the voting public really does not give a damn
 I am the very model of a candidate Republican!

 Chorus: And so because the voting public really does not give a damn
 He is the very model of a candidate Republican!

© 2000 Peter Langston