Fun_People Archive
14 Sep
The Gong Show was apparently more interesting than we thought.

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Thu, 14 Sep 100 12:50:27 -0700
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Subject: The Gong Show was apparently more interesting than we thought.

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A tasty tidbit from Chuck Barris' bio:

    I ignored what Buddy said.  I did worse than that. I put the Popsicle
    Twins on "The Gong Show."

    The Popsicle Twins weren't really twins.  They were just girl friends.
    One was fifteen years old, the other seventeen.  Both were adorable.
    The fifteen-year-old wore her hair in a ponytail, and had a face full
    of freckles.  The older girl had bangs, dimples, and enormous blue
    eyes.  Both had fresh, full, succulent bodies.  Both had glowing
    peaches-and-cream complexions.  Both wore T-shirts and short shorts.
    Both were a lecherous old man's delight; post-pubescent Lolitas who
    would have more than satisfied all the Humbert Humberts of the world.
    They called themselves the Popsicle Twins because they each held an
    orange Popsicle.

    The girls skipped onto the stage barefoot, sat down on the floor side
    by side, crossed their legs Indian-style, and begin to lick their
    Popsicles.  That's all they did.  They just licked their Popsicles.
    But the *way* they licked their Popsicles was something else.  It was
    extraordinary, is what it was.  The girls tongued the sides of the
    Popsicles, ran their full lips across the Popsicles and around them.
    They slid the Popsicles into their mouths slowly, sensually, in and
    out, in and out, and then ran their lips softly down the shaft of the
    cone-shaped Popsicles to their bases, and then back up again.

    There were obviously giving the Popsicles a blow job.  The two teenagers
    were teaching the nation the proper way to perform exquisite head.
    Every eye in that theater was glued to the Popsicles Twins' mouths and
    their Popsicles.  Anyone who couldn't see the girls in person watched
    TV monitors hypnotically.  Every stagehand had a hard-on.  The celebrity
    judges were in a state of acute shock.  Not one of them was capable of
    looking away, let alone leaving their seats to gong the act.  "The Gong
    Show" band gave the Popsicle Twins a standing ovation.  Jaye P. Morgan
    said, "That's the way I started.  I give the girls a ten!"

    When the show aired, the telephone switchboard at the National
    Broadcasting Company in New York lit up like a Christmas tree.  The
    East Coast was appalled.  The wife of a United States senator had her
    husband paged on the Senate floor and demanded he make an immediate
    motion to ban "The Gong Show" from television.  Two New York City police
    demolition instructors had to interrupt their lesson on defusing
    explosives because the eyes of the class were glued to the silent
    television set suspended from the ceiling behind them.  At first the
    police demolition instructors were angry.  Then they noticed what the
    other cops were watching, and what the Popsicle Twins were doing, and
    called a five-minute break.

    Executives at NBC snapped into action.  They immediately terminated
    the "Gong Show" feed to the rest of the country.  The Popsicle Twins
    were never seen in the Central or Pacific time zones.  ...

    -- Chuck Barris, "Confessions of a Dangerous Mind"

© 2000 Peter Langston