Fun_People Archive
12 Sep
The Aviators Guide Book

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Tue, 12 Sep 100 23:37:17 -0700
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Subject: The Aviators Guide Book

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The Aviators Guide Book

 1. Every takeoff is optional.  Every landing is mandatory.
 2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger.  If you pull the
    stick back, they get smaller.  That is, unless you keep pulling the
    stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.
 3. Flying isn't dangerous.  Crashing is what's dangerous.
 4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there, than up
    there wishing you were down here.
 5. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the
    pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start
    sweating.
 6. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude.  No one has ever collided with
    the sky.
 7. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away.  A 'great' landing
    is one after which they can use the plane again.
 8. Learn from the mistakes of others.  You won't live long enough to make
    more than one or two of them yourself.
 9. You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to
    taxi to the ramp.
10. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of
    arrival.  Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival, and
    vice versa.
11. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five
    minutes earlier.
12. Stay out of clouds.  The silver lining everyone keeps talking about
    might be another airplane going in the opposite direction.  Reliable
    sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in
    clouds.
13. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number
    of take-offs you've made, or close to it.
14. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing.  Unfortunately
    no one knows what they are.
15. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag for experience.  The
    trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.
16. Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels them.
17. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and
    round and all you can hear is a commotion coming from the passenger
    compartment, things are not at all as they should be.
18. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds
    of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground
    has yet to lose.
19. Good judgment comes from experience.  Unfortunately, experience usually
    comes from bad judgment.
20. It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much
    as possible.
21. Keep looking around.  There's always something you've missed.
22. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea.  It's the law.  And it's not
    subject to repeal.
23. The three most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you,
    the runway behind you, and a tenth of a second ago.
24. There are old pilots and there are bold pilots.  There are, however, no
    old bold pilots.
25. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

© 2000 Peter Langston