Fun_People Archive
29 Jun
The Comedian's-eye View of 06/30/00

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Thu, 29 Jun 100 16:24:06 -0700
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Subject: The Comedian's-eye View of 06/30/00

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Excerpted-from: 06/30/00 -- ShopTalk

                         Friday June 30, 2000
                 http://www.tvspy.com/shoptalk.htm

	"Miami residents passed the hot Florida afternoon playing
	 the traditional Cuban game of 'No, I'm angrier about Elian
	 than you are.'"
				- Jon Stewart

                               &&&&&&&&&&

The legal battle for Elian Gonzalez officially ended Wednesday evening, as
Juan Miguel flew his son back to Cuba.  For those of you who are sad to
see them go, here's a comforting thought: the CBS TV-movie on Elian is only
about four months away! (Richard Burkard/
http://www.LaughLine.com

The Florida family was in seclusion as the charter jet took off.  Imagine
what those relatives must have thought -- Elian's going back to a dictator,
and nobody's bought our book rights yet! (Burkard)

Darva Conger appears nude in the August issue of Playboy. She won't get
married again at the drop of a hat on national TV. She doesn't want people
to think she's cheap and superficial. (Ray)

Meg Ryan and Dennis Quaid have decided to split up after 12 years of
marriage.  When asked to comment on the end of one of Hollywood's long-time
marriages, Billie Bob Thornton and Angela Jolie paused uncomfortably and
said, "Hey, did you hear Dirk Been got voted off the island?" (Steve
Voldseth)

Historical Date: It was on this day in 1972 that the Supreme Court ruled
that the death penalty constituted "Cruel and Unusual Punishment".  In a
related story, in Texas, today, Governor George W. Bush officially declared
it 1971. (Voldseth)

Asked to comment on Bush's choice, Democratic challenger Al Gore paused
uncomfortably and said, "Hey, did you hear Dirk Been got voted off the
island?" (Voldseth)

Shaquille O'Neal has signed a deal to become an investor in Planet
Hollywood. Shaq told reporters, "I plan to do the same for Planet Hollywood
as I have done for the Lakers..." So Planet Hollywood's neighbors should
buy fire insurance. (Guy Nicolucci
http://members.tripod.com/guynico/thesearethejokes.html )

Planet Hollywood was successful in the early 90s because stars like
Jean-Claude Van Damme and Patrick Swayze made regular appearances there.
Planet Hollywood is failing now because stars like Jean-Claude Van Damme
and Patrick Swayze make regular appearances there. (Nicolucci)

© 2000 Peter Langston