Fun_People Archive
10 Jun
Proverbs for the New Millennium

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Sat, 10 Jun 100 12:08:14 -0700
To: Fun_People
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Subject: Proverbs for the New Millennium

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[I believe these were already in effect in the old millennium, in case  
you're keeping score...  -psl]

From: Bob Stein
From: "Johnston, Susan L." <sjohnston@wcupa.edu>

          Proverbs for the New Millennium

 1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.
 2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
 3. Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if
    he gets angry, he'll be a mile away - and barefoot.
 4. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a
    garage makes you a mechanic.
 5. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
 6. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
 7. A closed mouth gathers no feet.
 8. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried
    before.
 9. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
10. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
11. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
12. I have found at my age going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of my
    face.
13. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
14. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
15. Always yield to temptation, because it may not pass your way again.
16. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
[16b Deposits travel through the mail at 1/2 the speed of checks.  -psl]
17. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
18. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
19. Men are from earth. Women are from earth.  Deal with it.
20. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

© 2000 Peter Langston