Fun_People Archive
7 Jan
Your Business Horoscope

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Fri,  7 Jan 100 18:45:39 -0800
To: Fun_People
Precedence: bulk
Subject: Your Business Horoscope

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MARKETING

You are ambitious yet stupid.  You chose a marketing degree to avoid having
to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing,
which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now.

Least compatible with Accountants.

SALES

Laziest of all signs, often referred to as "marketing without a degree."
Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid
contact with customers so you can "concentrate on the big picture."

You seek admiration for your golf game throughout your life.

CUSTOMER SERVICE

Bright, cheery, positive, you are a fifty-cent cab ride away from taking
your own life. As children, very few of you asked your parents for a little
cubicle for your room and a headset so you could pretend to play "Customer
service, and kiss people's asses all day."  Continually passed over for
promotion, your best bet is to sleep with your manager.

TECHNOLOGY

Unable to control anything in your personal life, you are instead content
to completely control everything that happens at your workplace.  Often even
YOU don't understand what you are saying but who the hell can! And who
cares.  It is written that Geeks shall inherit the earth.

ENGINEERING

One of only two signs that actually studied in school.  It is said that
ninety percent of all Personal Ads are placed by engineers. You can be happy
with yourself; your office is full of all the latest "ergodynamic" gadgets.
However, we all know what is really causing your "carpal tunnel syndrome."

ACCOUNTING

The only other sign that studied in school.  You are mostly immune from
office politics.  You are the most feared person in the organization;
combined with your extreme organizational traits, the majority of rumors
concerning you say that you are completely insane.

HUMAN RESOURCES

Ironically, given your access to confidential information, you tend to be
the biggest gossip within the organization.  Possibly the only other person
that does less work than marketing, you are unable to return any calls today
because you have to get a haircut, have lunch AND then mail a letter.

MANAGEMENT/MIDDLE MANAGEMENT

Catty, cutthroat, yet completely spineless, you are destined to remain at
your current job for the rest of your life.  Unable to make a single
decision you tend to measure your worth by the number of meetings you can
schedule for yourself.  Best suited to marry other "Middle Managers" as
everyone in your social circle is a "Middle Manager."

SENIOR MANAGEMENT

(See above - Same sign, different title)

CONSULTANT

Lacking any specific knowledge, you use acronyms to avoid revealing your
utter lack of experience.  You have convinced yourself that your "skills"
are in demand and that you could get a higher paying job with any other
organization in a heartbeat.  You will spend an eternity contemplating these
career opportunities without ever taking direct action.

RECRUITER, "HEADHUNTER"

As a "person" that profits from the success of others, most people who
actually work for a living disdain you.  Paid on commission and susceptible
to alcoholism, your ulcers and frequent heart attacks correspond directly
with fluctuations in the stock market.

PARTNER, PRESIDENT, CEO

You are brilliant or lucky.  Your inability to figure out complex systems
such as the fax machine suggests the latter.

© 2000 Peter Langston