Fun_People Archive
12 Oct
Label Instructions

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Tue, 12 Oct 99 11:46:56 -0700
To: Fun_People
Precedence: bulk
Subject: Label Instructions

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Forwarded-by: Jack Doyle <doylej@peak.org>
Forwarded-by: dave_wolf@om.cv.hp.com

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through
stupidity, here are some actual label instructions

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's *just* a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late!  You lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(You'd think the kids would already know that!)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(And the consumer may pay purchase price.)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning keep out of children.
(Can't argue with that!)

On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to ...?)

On a Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.
(Yow!  I guess that leaves elbows, feet, lips, ...)

On a child's superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)

© 1999 Peter Langston