Fun_People Archive
23 Jul
Life Sized Satanic Doll Serves As Masturbation Toy

Content-Type: text/plain
Mime-Version: 1.0 (NeXT Mail 3.3 v118.2)
From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Fri, 23 Jul 99 09:54:13 -0700
To: Fun_People
Precedence: bulk
Subject: Life Sized Satanic Doll Serves As Masturbation Toy

X-Lib-of-Cong-ISSN: 1098-7649
X-http://www.langston.com/psl-bin/Fun_People.cgi
Forwarded-by: Eric <ecscc@olywa.net>
Forwarded-by: Karen Greene
Forwarded-by: Jim McKeighen <jim@MIS.NET>
Forwarded-by: Matt Patrick <matt@bcap.org>

They're serious!)

LIFE SIZED SATANIC DOLL SERVES AS MASTURBATION TOY FOR AMERICAN YOUTH

    When Mrs. Tawny Huxton opened her son Timmy's bedroom door,  she was
shocked to see his innocent white hiney nestled into the new 7ft Jar Jar
Binks doll she had bought him for his birthday. Lately, many Americans have
suffered similar incidents. Young children are being seduced by the
character of George Lucas' latest Star Wars Movie.  Jar Jar's soothing
voice, and timid childlike manners, seem to lure young teens into a world
of lustful abandon. Unsuspecting parents purchase the popular life-size
doll, only to find out later that it is being used by the child as a
masturbation toy.

    Under the guise of family entertainment, Lucas'  "Star Wars" prequel
has contaminated America's youth with subliminal sexual innuendo.  Pastor
Ebeneezer Smith of the Landover Baptist Church commented, "The demonic
characteristics of the Jar Jar binks creature become obvious when one pays
close attention. His forked tongue, his lapping, his malignant features,
are all too noticeable to the Christ centered man." Experts who have
examined the life-sized doll that has become the favorite 'toy' of 12-14
year old children, say that the evidence is overwhelming.  The doll was
created for the sole purpose of masturbation.  It has four openings, and
three extrusions, making it compatible for male or female pleasure.

    Members of The Landover Baptist Church are outraged at the Satanic
subtlety in which marketing geniuses have moved this horrific abomination
into the homes of America's youth. "One Mother was concerned that her young
daughter was not interested in boys," a Pastor noted, "she asked her little
girl, 'why don't you talk about the cute boys at school?' Her daughter
replied, 'oh momma, nobody I know is cuter than Jar Jar Binks." The mother
was horrified.

    Landover Baptist Church finds that the only way to resolve this problem
is to ban not only life sized Jar Jar Binks dolls from American homes, but
to ban any life sized doll. "Any child that has seen this movie is finding
that their natural attraction to members of the opposite sex is being
replaced with an attraction to a 7ft devil with elephant feet, a 25 inch
tongue, polka dot skin, a fish snout, and two phallic eyes that jut out like
hard erotic pokers.  For the Love of God! If you've got this devil in your
house, remove it as soon as possible!

UPDATE:  LUCAS CREATES SHOCKING NEW JAR JAR CANDY SEX TOYS TO FURTHER
CORRUPT OUR CHILDREN!

If you'd like to check out the website, go to:
http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0899/jar.html

© 1999 Peter Langston