Fun_People Archive
23 Jun
Representative Government - A Correspondence

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Wed, 23 Jun 99 10:34:07 -0700
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Subject: Representative Government - A Correspondence

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	REPRESENTATIVE GOVERNMENT - A CORRESPONDENCE

 From an e-mail correspondence conducted this winter by the novelist Richard
 Bausch and Senator John Warner (R., Va.). Portions of the exchange appeared
 in the February 15 issue of the New York Observer.  Bausch is the author,
 most recently, of Someone to Watch Over Me, a collection of stories,
 published by Harper Flamingo.


 Dear Senator Warner,

 The impeachment of President Clinton is going to be remembered as the manner
 in which the radical right finally brought the Republican Party, the party
 of Lincoln, down. Nothing Clinton did or didn't do endangers the republic;
 this trial does. I urge you to seek an end to this madness, this nearly
 McCarthyesque vendetta by a group of zealots who seem willing to trample
 everything in order to accomplish their purpose- what Senator Bumpers called
 "wanting to win too badly."

 Sincerely,
 Richard Bausch


 Dear Fellow Virginian:

 It is important that you have provided me with your views concerning the
 impeachment of President Clinton. I share your deep concern, and I assure
 you that I am proceeding in a manner that aims to preserve the integrity of
 the United States Constitution and to provide fairness and due process to
 all involved parties. I am listening carefully to the views of the people
 of Virginia, and I commit to you that I will reach decisions based not on
 politics but rather on the best interests of the nation.

 Sincerely,
 John Warner
 United States Senator


 Dear Senator Warner,

 Is it to be the contention of the party that ONLY Republicans are following
 the Constitution, and that the entire Democratic Party is trying to
 circumvent it? Americans are not the dupes some of your colleagues
 apparently think they are. The people, quite clearly, see this for what it
 is: a partisan attack on the presidency. It is very difficult to suppose
 that the lines of conflict would fall so sharply along party lines if
 EVERYBODY were voting his conscience. I believe you are. I very much admired
 your refusal to support the election of Oliver North a few years back. I
 believe you have the courage to stand against the kind of animus toward a
 man that may end up changing this government against the expressed will of
 the people.

 Sincerely,
 Richard Bausch


 Dear Fellow Virginian:

 It is important that you have provided me with your views concerning the
 impeachment of President Clinton. I share your deep concern, and I assure
 you that I am proceeding in a manner that aims to preserve the integrity of
 the United States Constitution and to provide fairness and due process to
 all involved parties. I am listening carefully to the views of the people
 of Virginia, and I commit to you that I will reach decisions based not on
 politics but rather on the best interests of the nation.

 Sincerely,
 John Warner
 United States Senator


 Dear Senator Warner,

 I see from this answer that your writers have crafted a global response
 letter to be used in all cases. The letter THIS letter answers was the
 SECOND letter I sent, and was in response to THIS letter. So it is as though
 I am addressing one of those Chatty Cathy dolls, where you pull the string,
 and the same words come out, no matter what ELSE is said. In fact, I'm sure
 I'll get this same form letter in answer to THIS e-mail.  I hope you are
 true to form.

 Richard Bausch
 (Fellow Virginian)


 Dear Fellow Virginian:

 It is important that you have provided me with your views concerning the
 impeachment of President Clinton. I share your deep concern, and I assure
 you that I am proceeding in a manner that aims to preserve the integrity of
 the United States Constitution and to provide fairness and due process to
 all involved parties. I am listening carefully to the views of the people
 of Virginia, and I commit to you that I will reach decisions based not on
 politics but rather on the best interests of the nation.

 Sincerely,
 John Warner
 United States Senator


 Dear Senator Warner:

 This is so much fun, this very direct and concerned correspondence. Let me
 say here that I think walla walla and didda didda and booka booka poo. Also,
 I think you should doola doola obla obla dip de dip dip. And it seems to me
 that our country badda bing badda boom badda ling ling ling, and that even
 so your responses show such pesty in flamma lamma ding dong. So in these
 times when democracy is at breakfast, asleep in the arms of the alimentary
 bood, that you are certainly bendicky to the concerns of your liperamma
 damma fizzle foodee dingle dangle dreb of our society, and the good thing
 is that ordinary citizens can actually get the pring that you have their
 fandaglee doodity in mind as you press forward with the concerns of
 government.

 Sincerely,
 Richard Bausch


Dear Fellow Virginian:

 It is important that you have provided me with your views concerning the
 impeachment of President Clinton. I share your deep concern, and I assure
 you that I am proceeding in a manner that aims to preserve the integrity of
 the United States Constitution and to provide fairness and due process to
 all involved parties. I am listening carefully to the views of the people
 of Virginia, and I commit to you that I will reach decisions based not on
 politics but rather on the best interests of the nation.

 Sincerely,
 John Warner
 United States Senator


 Dear Senator Warner,

 It really is time to call this off, since our relationship has moved to a
 state of such intimacy. When you say "Fellow Virginian," I know you mean so
 much more. I know this is more of your unusual reserve, your-how shall I
 put it?-sausage and eggs. I really am unable to continue, being married and
 a Catholic. So regretfully I say farewell. One concerned citizen to a
 clambake; one Virginian to a baked Alaska. I remain ever faithful, ever the
 liver and onions, my lover, my poppyseed, my darling.


 With sweat socks and deep appreciation,
 Richard Bausch



 Dear Fellow Virginian:

 It is important that you have provided me with your views concerning the
 impeachment of President Clinton. I share your deep concern, and I assure
 you that I am proceeding in a manner that aims to preserve the integrity of
 the United States Constitution and to provide fairness and due process to
 all involved parties. I am listening carefully to the views of the people
 of Virginia, and I commit to you that I will reach decisions based not on
 politics but rather on the best interests of the nation.

 Sincerely,
 John Warner
 United States Senator


 Dear Senator Warner,

 May I request here, with all due respect and with full appreciation of our
 long-held affection for each other, that you stop harassing me with these
 letters. I have said that we must call this off, and I now again
 respectfully adjure you to cease. I am especially troubled by your
 persistence in using your little endearment for me-do You mean it
 ironically? I only let my closest friends and associates call me "Fellow
 Virginian," and would think that, since we are going our separate ways, you
 would know that I wish you to revert back to your old term for me, the one
 that used to amuse you so much-oh, remember? You'd say it and then laugh so
 hard: "voter," you'd say, and then guffaw guffaw. It used to make you so
 silly, that word. You'd laugh and laugh. Remember? And then I'd say
 "representative government," and you'd have to run to the bathroom. But that
 is all past. We have to move on now. Oh, well, all right, once more for you,
 for old times' sake, I'll use our endearment in closing.

 I remain, then, trusting you to adhere to my wishes, your little "voter,"
 your "Fellow Virginian,"
 Richard Bausch


 Dear Fellow Virginian:

 It is important that you have provided me with your views concerning the
 impeachment of President Clinton. I share your deep concern, and I assure
 you that I am proceeding in a manner that aims to preserve the integrity of
 the United States Constitution and to provide fairness and due process to
 all involved parties. I am listening carefully to the views of the people
 of Virginia, and I commit to you that I will reach decisions based not on
 politics but rather on the best interests of the nation.

 Sincerely,
 John Warner
 United States Senator

© 1999 Peter Langston