Fun_People Archive
15 Apr
U.S. TO BOMB ENGLAND UNLESS PEACE ACCORD IS RATIFIED

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Thu, 15 Apr 99 03:14:43 -0700
To: Fun_People
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Subject: U.S. TO BOMB ENGLAND UNLESS PEACE ACCORD IS RATIFIED

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NEWS FLASH

U.S. TO BEGIN BOMBING ENGLAND UNLESS PEACE ACCORD IS RATIFIED BY ENGLAND
AND BREAK-AWAY PROVINCE OF N. IRELAND

The White House--President Clinton announced today an all out bombing
offensive against England will begin in two weeks, unless a peace accord is
ratified by England and its break-away province of Northern Ireland.

"Using the fine logic we crafted in the Kosovo intervention, we  have
decided to add, incrementally, to the list of peace initiatives around the
world," he said in a prepared statement.  A background briefing indicated
that on a weekly schedule, the Clinton administration would intervene in
the following areas:

Week one -- Bombing of England to free Northern Ireland
Week two -- Bombing of Ankara, Baghdad and Teheran to free the
Kurds.
Week three -- Bombing of several random African countries to stop
the Hutus from killing Tutsis.
Week four -- Bombing of both Istanbul and Athens to solve the
Cyprus problem
Week five -- Bombing of Madrid to free the Basque Country.
Week six -- Bombing of Ottawa to free the QuObOcois.
Week seven -- Bombing of Jakarta to free the Timor Islands.
Week eight -- Bombing of New Delhi to free the Tamil peoples of
Sri Lanka
Week nine -- Bombing of Paris to free Corsica
Week ten -- Bombing of Washington, D.C. to free the Confederate
of Southern States, held captive for 139 years.

"This schedule will do until we can come up with others," said
Madeline Albright, Secretary of State.

She did not respond when asked when the bombing of Beijing in
order to free Tibet would occur.
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