Fun_People Archive
13 Apr
The Comedian's-eye View of 04/07/99

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Tue, 13 Apr 99 15:44:41 -0700
To: Fun_People
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Subject: The Comedian's-eye View of 04/07/99

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Excerpted-from: 04/07/99 -- ShopTalk

     The Pope announced that he's going to say Mass in Israel next year.
     When asked why, the Pope said "I want to perform in front of crowds
     that haven't heard my material before."
						- Conan O'Brien

A tabloid says it has photos of a nude George W.  Bush dancing on a bar.
"Now Bush says he's going to use the photo in his campaign: In fact, that's
his new slogan: 'Governs like a Republican, parties like a Democrat." (Jay
Leno)

President Clinton told Dan Rather that if Hillary did run for the Senate,
he has no idea what the duties of the husband of a senator are.  "I don't
think he has any idea what the duties of a regular husband are." (Leno)

To promote a hip rewrite of the Bible, Pat Robertson kicked off his
publicity tour at New York's Grand Central Station.  "In fact, he inspired
New York City commuters to deluge Robertson with questions like, 'Was that
the train to Flushing?  and 'Why are you blocking the token booth?'" (Jon
Stewart)

Researchers say they've discovered that strands of DNA conduct electricity.
"They're hardly the first ones to figure this out.  In Washington, DC, Bill
Clinton's DNA almost fried him." (Argus Hamilton)

The Mayor of New Orleans has challenged Charlton Heston to a debate over
gun safety.  Heston declined, citing a lack of ammunition. (Chris Bannon)

© 1999 Peter Langston