Fun_People Archive
7 Apr
QOTD - Your choice, 4/7/99

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Wed,  7 Apr 99 11:19:21 -0700
To: Fun_People
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Subject: QOTD - Your choice, 4/7/99

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[Can I show you something in a Quote Of The Day?  Perhaps a nice biblical
 reference?  No?  Something more modern?  I like the Lenny Bruce myself...
 Here, try it on; you'll like it!  -psl]

Forwarded-by: Nev Dull <nev@bostic.com>
Forwarded-by: Mike Meyer <mwm@phone.net>
Forwarded-by: "Kessler, Jack L SPN" <jkessler@spd.usace.army.mil>

Most Texans think Hanukkah is some sort of duck call.
	-- Richard Lewis

My father never lived to see his dream come true of an all-Yiddish-speaking
Canada.
	-- David Steinberg

Look at Jewish history. Unrelieved lamenting would be intolerable.  So, for
every ten Jews beating their breasts, God designated one to be crazy and
amuse the breast beaters. By the time I was five I knew I was that one.
	-- Mel Brooks

The time is at hand when the wearing of a prayer shawl and skullcap will
not bar a man from the White House, unless, of course, the man is Jewish.
	-- Jules Farber

Even if you are Catholic, if you live in New York you're Jewish. If you live
in Butte, Montana, you are going to be goyish even if you are Jewish.
	-- Lenny Bruce

God, I know we are your chosen people, but couldn't you choose somebody else
for a change?
	-- Shalom Aleichem

The remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served us
nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.
	-- Calvin Trillin

Let me tell you the one thing I have against Moses. He took us forty years
into the desert in order to bring us to the one place in the Middle East
that has no oil!
	-- Golda Meir

Even a secret agent can't lie to a Jewish mother.
	-- Peter Malkin

It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then
don't say it.
	-- Sam Levenson

God will pardon me. It's His business.
	-- Heinrich Heine

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days
I had lost exactly two weeks.
	-- Joe E. Lewis

Bankruptcy is a legal proceeding in which you put your money in your pants
pocket and give your coat to your creditors.
	-- Sam Goldwyn

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something.
	-- Jackie Mason

A politician is a man who will double cross that bridge when he comes to it.
	-- Oscar Levant

I don't want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth
even if it costs them their jobs.
	-- Sam Goldwyn

When I bore people at a party, they think it is their fault.
	-- Henry Kissinger

When I bore people at a party, I remind them of Henry Kissinger.
	-- Morrie Ellis

© 1999 Peter Langston