Fun_People Archive
12 Jan
The News in Anagrams - 1/12/99

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Tue, 12 Jan 99 11:56:44 -0800
To: Fun_People
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Subject: The News in Anagrams - 1/12/99

X-Lib-of-Cong-ISSN: 1098-7649
Forwarded-by: Nev Dull <nev@bostic.com>
Forwarded-by: "1cturner" <1cturner@gte.net>
From: Mike Morton [mailto:mike@mikemorton.com]

Let's start with the outgoing speaker, Newton Gingrich ("The Grinning Cow").
When he becomes a private citizen, he'll be just "Mister Newt Gingrich":

Top Ten Anagrams for "Mister Newt Gingrich"
-------------------------------------------
 10. IRS? Mightn't we cringe?
  9. I mightn't resign, crew
  8. Grew stern; I'm itching
  7. Entice Mrs. Right-wing
  6. Night-time screw, grin
  5. Swing me right, cretin
  4. I mightn't screw reign
  3. Switch regiment, grin
  2. Right-wing men, etc., sir

And the number one anagram for "Mister Newt Gingrich":

  1. Grim itch went; resign

When he becomes a political consultant, he may want to sound a little more
formal:

Top Ten Anagrams for "Mister Newton Gingrich"
---------------------------------------------
 10. Consent? Mire right wing
  9. Crime ring tightens now
  8. Itch grown grim, intense
  7. Intern crimes: Wig, thong
  6. Right-wing cretin, son? Me!
  5. I'm right-wing 'net-censor
  4. Nice right-wing monster
  3. Got him screwing intern
  2. Cretin won; might resign

And the number one anagram for "Mister Newton Gingrich":

  1. Recent insight: I'm wrong!


Meanwhile, the media will refer to him as...

Top Ten Anagrams for "Ex-Speaker Newt Gingrich"
-----------------------------------------------
 10. Eschew X-rating; keep grin
  9. Experts nigh in wreckage
  8. E.g.: Expect win? Hark! Resign
  7. Cheer GNP. Exit, grin askew.
  6. We grin, expect shrinkage
  5. Think "Expense"; cigar grew
  4. Grin: "Keen, wet, graphic sex"
  3. Graphic: "Resign next week"
  2. Crash. Expire. Get new king.

And the number one anagram for "Ex-Speaker Newt Gingrich":

  1. Sex? Cigar? GNP knew either.


And history may remember him as...

Top Ten Anagrams for "Newton Leroy Gingrich"
--------------------------------------------
 10. Growing incoherently
  9. Hey, intern! Wrong logic!
  8. We're clinging to "Horny"
  7. Cry "thong lingerie" now!
  6. Why linger on to cringe?
  5. I crow on lengthy reign
  4. Grey relic; now nothing
  3. New Right: Nice, no glory
  2. Yon Right-winger Clone

And the number one anagram for "Newton Leroy Gingrich":

  1. Why Clinton-Gore reign?


Now, about that position he'll leave vacant...

Top Ten Anagrams for "Speaker of the House"
-------------------------------------------
 10. Hot sheep! Free USA, OK!
  9. Foe: "Shake the poseur!"
  8. Oh, upset fake heroes
  7. Free the USA spook, eh?
  6. Use the hope; forsake
  5. Eureka! Host of sheep!
  4. See the fear, shook up
  3. USA: Seek the proof, eh?
  2. Oh, seek Orpheus' fate

And the number one anagram for "Speaker of the House":

  1. Shoo! He kept USA free


So, Bob Livingston ("Glib bison on TV") stepped up to the plate. But within
a day of my finishing the list below, Livingston bowed out.  (More than
coincidence? You decide...)

Top Ten Anagrams for "Speaker Bob Livingston"
---------------------------------------------
 10. GOP rants, invokes Bible
  9. Ask big probe: "Insolvent?"
  8. Rabble: "Invent gossip, OK?"
  7. Sink vast, ignoble probe
  6. GOP insolvent: Ask bribe?
  5. Kiss. Probe. Violent bang!
  4. Vigilant probe boss, Ken
  3. Proven genital-kiss, Bob?
  2. GOP? OK! Sensible! Vibrant!

And the number one anagram for "Speaker Bob Livingston":

  1. Veteran GOP boss: "I blink"


Now, Bob's reason for this sudden departure was...

Top Ten Anagrams for "marital indiscretions"
--------------------------------------------
 10. Damn, I restrict liaison
  9. Amid intolerant crisis
  8. Monica is strident liar
  7. Starr in action? I'd smile
  6. Doctrinaire sans limit
  5. Insist: "Real dirt, Monica!"
  4. Cardinal sin? I'm so trite.
  3. DNA is similar. Contrite?
  2. America lost in dirt, sin

And the number one anagram for "marital indiscretions":

  1. Liaison? Indict me, Starr!


So Bob's out and we get ANOTHER guy we've never heard of, Dennis Hastert
("I hasten trends" or "Shan't deter sin"). This guy shows real promise,
anagrammatically speaking, in several areas:

Top Ten Anagrams for "Speaker Dennis Hastert"
---------------------------------------------
 10. She'd stake errant penis
  9. Senate: "Repent hard kiss"
  8. Sane spin: Heed "Star Trek"
  7. Seek sharp DNA-interest
  6. Hark! Senate's president!
  5. Shake a stern president
  4. The risk: Senate panders
  3. I spark, harness detente
  2. He'd resist Senate prank

And the number one anagram for "Speaker Dennis Hastert":

  1. Hark! See persistent DNA!


Top Ten Anagrams for "Speaker Dennis Hastert" (BONUS dress-grams)
---------------------------------------------
 10. Ah, peek at intern's dress
  9. He kept intern, as a dress
  8. Hesitant: "Keep dress? RNA?"
  7. Shake a pertinent dress
  6. Intern keeps dress, a hat...
  5. Santa kept dress in here
  4. Keen partisan: "The dress!"
  3. The intern? A dress? Speak!
  2. Stain ran? Keep the dress.

And the number one dress-gram for "Speaker Dennis Hastert":

  1. Aha, intern kept dresses!


Top Ten Anagrams for "Speaker Dennis Hastert" (BONUS Starr-grams)
---------------------------------------------
 10. Kenneth's a dress-pirate
  9. This dense ape, Ken Starr
  8. Ken Starr stained sheep
  7. Ken Starr: Haste in speed
  6. Heed inept ass: Ken Starr
  5. See Ken Starr death-spin
  4. Ken Starr: "Dispense hate"
  3. Steep in Hades, Ken Starr
  2. Ken trashes a president

And the number one Starr-gram for "Speaker Dennis Hastert":

  1. He'd eat Ken Starr's penis


=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
This collection copyright (c) 1998 by Mike Morton <mike@mikemorton.com>.
All rights reserved. You may reproduce this, in whole or in part, in any
form, provided you retain this paragraph unchanged.

© 1999 Peter Langston