Fun_People Archive
6 Jan
Identifying Drivers

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Wed,  6 Jan 99 11:30:12 -0800
To: Fun_People
Precedence: bulk
Subject: Identifying Drivers

X-Lib-of-Cong-ISSN: 1098-7649
Forwarded-by: Cal Herrmann <calani@netcom.com>
Forwarded-by: Jenny Michael <mireio1@yahoo.com>
Forwarded-by: "Margaret A. Mills" <mills.186@osu.edu>
Forwarded-by: Wilma Heston <wheston@mec.sas.upenn.edu

	How to tell where a driver is from

+ One hand on wheel, one hand on horn:  CHICAGO

+ One hand on wheel, one (raised) finger out window:  NEW YORK

+ One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator:
  BOSTON

+ One hand on wheel, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator:  CALIFORNIA.
  With gun in lap:  L.A.

+ Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror:
  OHIO, BUT DRIVING IN CALIFORNIA.

+ Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to
  talk to someone in back seat:  ITALY

+ One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake,
  mind on game:  SEATTLE

+ One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both
  feet being on the accelerator and both on the brake, throwing a McDonalds
  bag out the window:  TEXAS CITY MALE

+ One hand on wheel, one hand hanging out the window, keeping speed steadily
  at 70mph, driving down the center of the road unless coming around a blind
  curve, in which case they are on the left side of the road:  TEXAS COUNTRY
  MALE

+ One hand constantly refocusing the rear-view mirror to show different
  angles of the BIG hair, one hand going between mousse, brush, and rat-tail
  to keep the helmet hair going, both feet on the accelerator, poodle steering
  the car, chrome .38 revolver with mother of pearl inlaid handle in the glove
  compartment:  TEXAS FEMALE

+ Both hands on steering wheel in a relaxed posture, eyes constantly
  checking the rear-view mirror to watch for visible emissions from their
  own or another's car:  COLORADO

+ One hand on steering wheel,  yelling obscenities, the other hand waving
  gun out the window and firing repeatedly, keeping a careful eye out for
  landmarks along the way so as to be able to come back and pick up any
  bullets that didn't hit other motorists so as not to litter:  COLORADO
  RESIDENT AFTER SPOTTING A CAR WITH TEXAS PLATE.

+ Four wheel drive pickup truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans
  on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna:  WEST VIRGINIA MALE.

+ Junker, driven by someone who previously had a nice car and who is now
  wearing a barrel:  LAS VEGAS VISITOR

+ Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above window level,
  driving 35 on the interstate in the left lane with the left blinker on:
  FLORIDA "SEASONED CITIZEN" DRIVER, also known as "no-see-um"  (or could
  it be Marge Simpson?)

+ Two hands on the wheel, driving forty-five in a 70 mph zone in the left
  lane, with the left turn signal on, and making a right turn:  NEW MEXICO
  (as anyone who has ever driven through this lovely state can attest)

© 1999 Peter Langston