Fun_People Archive
20 Oct
Notorious B.I.G -- the Cliff's Notes Version

Content-Type: text/plain
Mime-Version: 1.0 (NeXT Mail 3.3 v118.2)
From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Tue, 20 Oct 98 12:46:46 -0700
To: Fun_People
Precedence: bulk
Subject: Notorious B.I.G  --  the Cliff's Notes Version

X-Lib-of-Cong-ISSN: 1098-7649
Forwarded-by: <joev@archtop.com>
Forwarded-by: LibbyJane@aol.com
Forwarded-by: Nancy Fichman, GabFitch@aol.com
Forwarded-by: Bartok13

The following song lyrics were translated from rap to standard English

Artist: Notorious B.I.G.
Album: Ready to Die
Song: One more chance

(Lyrics)

First things first, I poppa, freaks all the honeys Dummies - playboy
bunnies, those wantin' money Those the ones I like 'cause they don't get
nuthin' But penetration, unless it smells like sanitation Garbage, I turn
like doorknobs Heart throb, never, black and ugly as ever However, I stay
coochied down to the socks Rings and watch filled with rocks

(Translation)

As a general rule, I perform deviant sexual acts with women of all Kinds,
including but not limited to those with limited intellect, nude magazine
models, and prostitutes.  I particularly enjoy sexual encounters with the
latter group as they are generally disappointed in the fact that they only
receive penile intercourse and nothing more, unless of course, they douche
on a consistent basis.  Although I am extremely unattractive, I am able to
engage in these types of sexual acts with some regularity.  Perhaps my
sexual prowess is somehow related to my fancy and expensive jewelry.


(Lyrics)

And my jam knock in the Mitsubishi Girls pee pee when they see me, Nava-hoes
creep me in they tee pee As I lay down laws like I lay carpet Stop it - if
you think your gonna make a profit

(Translation)

I enjoy playing my music loudly on my car stereo.  Apparently, women enjoy
this also because they become sexually aroused when they see me driving.
Oddly enough, when I visit the Native American reservations, some of the
more sexually promiscuous Indian women attempt to seduce me in their
primitive homes.  Their intent is to divest me of my earnings.  Such actions
are unacceptable.


(Lyrics)

Don't see my ones, don't see my guns - get it Now tell ya friends Poppa hit
it then split it In two as I flow with the Junior Mafia I don't know what
the hell's stoppin' ya I'm clockin' ya - Versace shades watchin' ya Once ya
grin, I'm in game, begin

(Translation)

Understand this fact: you can have neither my money, nor my weapons.  I
suggest that you inform your peers that we engaged in violent sexual acts.
Currently, I am rapping with my associates, the Junior Mafia.  I'm having
some difficulty understanding why you refuse to approach me.  I Am
attempting to make eye contact with you through my expensive glasses, And
as soon as you respond with a smile, I will approach you.


(Lyrics)

First I talk about how I dress and this And diamond necklaces -stretch
Lexuses The sex is just immaculate from the back I get Deeper and deeper -
help ya reach the Climax that your man can't make Call and tell him you'll
be home real late Let's sing the break

(Translation)

I prefer to open the conversation with light banter about my wardrobe And
jewelry, then I like to discuss my collection of expensive cars.  This Is
more than enough to convince you to have sexual intercourse with me.  I am
able to insert my penis further into you when I enter you from behind.
Furthermore, you will be able to reach orgasm.  I understand this to be a
problem with your current sexual partner.  He needn't be concerned about
your whereabouts.  Please phone him and inform him that you won't be home
for a while.  By the way, please sing the chorus of this song for me also.


(Lyrics)

She's sick of that song on how it's so long Thought he worked his until I
handled my biz There I is - major pain like Damon Wayans Low down dirty even
like his other Keenan Schemin' - don't ing your girl 'round me True player
for real, ask Puff Daddy.

(Translation)

Your current love interest no longer wishes to hear your fabrications about
the length of your member.  After I had sexual intercourse with your woman,
she became enlightened as to the proper way it is supposed to be performed;
violently and immorally.  It would be in your best interest to keep your
woman away from me as my sexual prowess is very strong.  If you are
unconvinced, ask Puff Daddy.


(Lyrics)

You - ringin' bells with bags from Chanel Baby Benz, traded in your Hyundai
Excel Fully equipped, CD changer with the cell She beeped me, meet me at
twelve.

(Translation)

Despite the fact that you attempted to win her at her doorstep with bags
full of expensive clothes and a car (the lower end model Mercedes Benz which
you financed by signing over your current vehicle) containing an expensive
stereo and a cellular phone, your woman has contacted me through my pager
indicating that we should rendezvous at midnight.


(Lyrics)

Where you at? Flippin' jobs, playin' car notes? While I'm swimmin' inya
woman like the east stroke Right stroke, left stroke what's the best stroke
Death stroke - tongue all down her throat Nuthin' left to do but send her
home to you I'm through - can ya sing the song for me, boo?

(Translation)
You, on the other hand, jump from job to job, barely able to maintain
payments on the Mercedes Benz you purchased for your woman.  Meanwhile, I
continue to engage in sexual intercourse and commit lewd oscillatory Acts
with your woman.  My only remaining option is to request that she leave my
home and return to you because I have reached orgasm and no longer have a
need for her presence.


(Lyrics)

So, what's it gonna be? Him or me? We can cruise the world with pearls Gator
boots for girls The envy of all women, crushed linen Cartier wrist-wear with
diamonds in 'em The finest women I love with a passion Ya man's a wimp, I
give that ass a good thrashin'

(Translation)

The ultimate decision rests with you.  Whom do you choose as your sexual
partner? I can take you on cruises around the world.  I will dress you in
the finest jewelry and footwear.  You will be envied by women worldwide in
your fine clothes and jewelry.  There is a special place in my heart for
beautiful women.  I will defeat your man in an altercation because he is
effeminate.


(Lyrics)

High fashion - flyin' into all states Sexin' me while your man masturbates
Isn't this great? Your flight leaves at eight Her flight lands at nine, my
game just rewinds Lyrically I'm supposed to represent I'm not only the
client, I'm the player president.

(Translation)

You will be dressed in finest clothes on the runways of Paris.  I will fly
you to every state to shop for fine clothes and jewelry.  You will enjoy
sexual intercourse with me and your man will be forced to pleasure himself
through manual stimulation.  What a life! I'll return you to La Guardia in
time to catch your 8 o'clock flight.  The timing is perfect because I have
scheduled a date with a second woman who arrives at the same gate at 9
o'clock.  I'll seduce her in the same way that I seduced you.  I rap well
and I am a positive reflection of my hometown.  Not only am I a sexually
deviant, misogynistic, immoral, wealthy, male prostitute, but I am also
chief executive officer of the record company that distributes this
recording.

© 1998 Peter Langston