Fun_People Archive
13 Oct
Finest Kind of Information Scientist

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Tue, 13 Oct 98 23:02:34 -0700
To: Fun_People
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Subject: Finest Kind of Information Scientist

X-Lib-of-Cong-ISSN: 1098-7649
Forwarded-by: Richard Lamson <rlamson@umaryland.edu>
Forwarded-by: Debra Haberland <haberland@medigroupltd.com>

(from Model of a Modern Major-General )

	Finest Kind of Information Scientist

I am the very finest kind of information scientist,
I'm skilled at metadata, metatools, and met'analysis,
I've access electronic to all facts however useless,
I've databases on command and software manuals numerous,
I surf the Internet so much I've nearly ruined both my wrists -
Yet I stil keep in constant touch with thousands of discussion lists.
On cookies, push, and intranets, I'm teeming with just tons o' news
And many URLs to share for awesome games and MUDs and MOOs!

[all]

     And many URLs to share for awesome games and MUDs and MOOS (3x)

When hapless patrons lose their way, I simply can't be bothered with 'em -
There's no problem in existence can't be solved by algorithm.
In short, at metadata, metatools, and met'analysis,
I am the very finest kind of information scientist!

[all]

     In short, at metadata, metatools, and met'analysis
     He is the very finest kind of information scientist.

What joy to suck down Diet Coke and hack away in darkened rooms!
How sweet to sleep 'neath X-Files sheets, and never wake till crack of noon!
My wardrobe is unsullied by uncomfortable business clothes -
You know, there are more types of Converse sneakers than you might suppose!
I spend my evenings trolling 'round for soulmates on the Internet,
We chat for a few hours and then light a virtual cigarette.
My gender's quite irrelevant when I'm adrift in cyberspace:
I've been a boy, I've been a girl, I've been a *sheep* to get a date!

[all]

     He's been a boy, he's been a girl, he's been a sheep to get a date (3x)

Although I often call myself a "human access engineer",
To interact with flesh and blood fills me with paralyzing fear -
But still, at metadata, metatools, and met'analysis,
I am the very finest kind of information scientist!

[all]

     But still, at metadata, metatools, and met'analysis,
     He is the very finest kind of information scientist.

Some day when I know what is meant by SQL and CGI,
When I can see the difference 'twixt NT and Windows '95,
When I can build a network with a hand secured behind my back,
When I can build a lovely birdhouse with the remnants of my Mac,
When I can cite what progress has been made in distance learning,
When I make seventeen times what librarians are earning,
In short, when I've a smattering of Unix, Perl, and Javascript,
You'll say a better information scientist has never lived.

[all]

     You'll say a better information scientist has never lived (3x)

About what goes on bookshelves I am wonderfully ignorant -
But I can quite adroitly write a swell agent intelligent -
Because at metadata, metatools, and met'analysis,
I am the very finest kind of information scientist!

[all]

     Because at metadata, metatools, and met'analysis,
     He is the very finest kind of information scientist!

© 1998 Peter Langston