Fun_People Archive
22 Sep
The Comedian's-eye View of 09/22/98

Content-Type: text/plain
Mime-Version: 1.0 (NeXT Mail 3.3 v118.2)
From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Tue, 22 Sep 98 16:01:45 -0700
To: Fun_People
Precedence: bulk
Subject: The Comedian's-eye View of 09/22/98

X-Lib-of-Cong-ISSN: 1098-7649
Excerpted-from: 09/22/98 -- ShopTalk

                        Tuesday September 22, 1998

     "THE STARR REPORT: Also known as 'Everything You Didn't Want to
      Know About Sex but Were Afraid They'd Tell You.'"

                             -- from Jim Mullen's Hot Sheet in
                                Entertainment Weekly

                               &&&&&&&&&&

Long Ago, Far Away: The chairman of the House Judiciary Committee, Henry
Hyde, blamed his affair of 30 years ago on "youthful indiscretion."  "He
could have tried to pass the buck altogether by blaming it on the '60s."
(Gary Easley)

A Different Tune: "Remember the good old days when Democrats were singing
'Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow?'" Easier said than done.  Republicans
won't stop 'Thinking About Yesterday.'" (Kenny Noble Cortes)

Playmate of the Month: "A US appeals court ruled that federal prisons can
keep pornography, including Playboy and Penthouse from inmates....  That's
OK. They'll be busy for years with The Starr Report. (Bill Williams)

Henry Hyde?  "I'm not saying he's a hypocrite, but he missed a big
opportunity to put his arm around Bill's shoulder and say, "Kid, I was your
age once....." (Michael Feldman)

Oh, No!: "Hear about this guy who stowed away in the landing gear of a jet
flying from Honduras to Miami?  He held onto the wheel on the front of the
plane.  You know the strange part?  The guy had a ticket to fly first class,
but he crawled into landing gear when he saw that the in-flight movie was
'The Avengers.'" (Jay Leno)

Pat on the Hand: The IRS has reprimanded more than a dozen senior managers
for breaking rules and setting collection quotas.  "The IRS commissioner
said, 'Rest assured if this happens again, these people will get a stern
talking-to and maybe even an icy glare." (Jerry Perisho)

Big Purchase: The TBS network has just purchased a package of 180 "Seinfeld"
episodes at a price of $1 million an episode.  "Which, if I'm not mistaken,
works out to what?  About $1.89 per 'yadda.'" (Steve Voldseth)

Slow Poke: Scientists recently extracted DNA from a tortoise.  "Ironically,
it's very similar to the DNA found in postal workers." (Rudolph J. Cecera)

Lead the Way!: "Last week, Geraldine Ferraro met with her transition team,
to help ease her from obscurity into oblivion." (David Letterman)
prev [=] prev © 1998 Peter Langston []