Fun_People Archive
31 Aug
The Comedian's-eye View of 08/31/98

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Mon, 31 Aug 98 13:26:54 -0700
To: Fun_People
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Subject: The Comedian's-eye View of 08/31/98

X-Lib-of-Cong-ISSN: 1098-7649
Excerpted-from: 08/31/98 -- ShopTalk

                         Monday August 31, 1998

     "My agent, among other people, said, 'You shouldn't do Playboy again
      because people are just starting to take you seriously.' I thought,
      'How sad. Do I have to sacrifice being perceived as a sensual woman
      in order to be taken seriously?'"
					- Cindy Crawford, seriously

Left Coast: "According to a new poll, most Californians believe President
Clinton is setting "a bad moral example for the country" -- but still want
him to remain. Which is a real coincidence, because that's the way most
Americans feel about California." (Jim Rosenberg) The Daily Monologue -
http://www.wirecom.com/jim

Economics Lesson: "Russia's economy continues to worsen as the ruble dropped
41% in one day....It went down so fast that Allen Greenspan accidentally
called the ruble, the 'monica.' (Bill Williams)

Girls PG: "Two of the four remaining Spice Girls are pregnant.  All the
members are perplexed.  "That's almost half the group." (Alan Ray)

Blowin In The Wind: "How about the coverage of Hurricane Bonnie? You ever
notice when there's a hurricane, they always show one reporter standing in
the middle of the street in a raincoat by himself? The streets are empty,
and they're the only one out there. Get off the street!" (Jay Leno)

Getting Wind of It: "Maybe it's me, but why do the news teams always send
their skinniest reporters to cover high winds? I like Judy Woodruff, she
turns into a kite!  You need men of girth. Put Al Roker out there, Willard
Scott!" (Leno)

Food For Thought: According to Rolling Stone Magazine, the McDonald's logo
is better known than the Christian cross. "Well, of course. How many times
have you driven cross-country, saw McDonald's and went, 'Thank God. I'm
starving?'" (Andrew Wisot)

Bombs R Us: Hasbro has introduced a new gismo called Sound Bites. It's a
lollipop holder shaped like an electric toothbrush that sends vibrations
through the teeth to the inner ear. "Sound Bites lets kids hear sounds and
voices inside their heads that no one else can. It comes in 'Son of Sam,'
'Jeffrey Dahmer' and 'Unabomber' models." (Ira Lawson)
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