Fun_People Archive
22 Aug
Remembering the Hollywood Squares

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Sat, 22 Aug 98 11:34:25 -0700
To: Fun_People
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Subject: Remembering the Hollywood Squares

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Forwarded-by: Eric Steese <ecscc@olywa.net>
Forwarded-by: Cindy Levy

PETER MARSHALL'S LIST OF FAVORITE ANSWERS FROM "HOLLYWOOD SQUARES"

1. According to Movie Life magazine, Ann-Margaret would like to start having
   babies soon, but her husband wants her to wait awhile. Why?
PAUL LYNDE:  He's out of town.

2. Dennis Weaver, Debbie Reynolds, and Shelley Winters star in the movie
   "What's The Matter With Helen?"  Who plays Helen?
CHARLEY WEAVER:  Dennis Weaver-that's why they asked the question.

3. What are "dual-purpose cattle" good for that other cattle aren't?
PAUL LYNDE:  They give milk... and cookies, but I don't recommend the cookies.

4. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
PAUL LYNDE:  Who told you about my elephant?

5. James Stewart did it over twenty years ago when he was forty-one years old.
   Now he says it was "one of the best things I ever did."  What was it?
MARTY ALLEN:  Rhonda Fleming.

6. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has
   actually seen them on at least two occasions.  What are they?
CHARLEY WEAVER:  His feet.

7. Before a cow will give you any milk, she has to have something very
   important.  What?
PAUL LYNDE:  An engagement ring.

8. According to Robert Mitchum, one thing has ruined more actors than
   drinking.  What?
CHARLEY WEAVER:  Not drinking.

9. When the Lone Ranger finished with a case, he left something behind. What?
PAUL LYNDE:  A masked baby.

10. True or false:  Some African Watusi tribesmen greet guests by running
    toward them at full speed, then high-jumping over them.
CHARLEY WEAVER:  This is sometimes terribly embarrassing to tall guests.

11. You're on your first visit to Japan, and you head right for the Kabuki.
    Why?
PAUL LYNDE:  It was a long plane ride.

12. If you're going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high?
CHARLEY WEAVER:  Three days of steady drinking should do it.

13. Do female frogs croak?
PAUL LYNDE:  If you hold their little heads under water.

14. You've been having trouble going to sleep.  Are you probably a man or a
    woman?
DON KNOTTS:  That's what's been keeping me awake.

15. True or false:  Many people sleep better in their street clothes than they
    do in their pajamas.
PAUL LYNDE:  Yes.  We call them winos.

16. According to the World Book, is it okay to freeze your persimmons?
PAUL LYNDE:  No.  You should dress warmly.

17. According to psychologists, when a child begins to get curious about sex,
    what is the one question he will most ask his mommy and daddy?
PAUL LYNDE:  Where can I get some?

© 1998 Peter Langston