Fun_People Archive
9 Jun
The Comedian's-eye View of 06/09/98

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Tue,  9 Jun 98 01:14:43 -0700
To: Fun_People
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Subject: The Comedian's-eye View of 06/09/98

X-Lib-of-Cong-ISSN: 1098-7649
Excerpted-from: 06/09/98 -- ShopTalk

                         Tuesday June 9, 1998

    "Don't stand on the sidelines criticizing as a cold, timid soul who
     has never understood the thrill of victory or the agony of defeat."
			-William Ginsburg in a farewell-to-Lewinsky oration

                               &&&&&&&&&&

Explosive: President Clinton is upset that India and Pakistan exploded
nuclear devices, that nuclear proliferation may be out of hand. "Then the
CIA came into the Oval Office with the worst possible news of all:  Bill
Gates has the bomb." (Argus Hamilton)

The Truth: Kenneth Starr grilled Sidney Blumenthal, who is Hillary Clinton's
advisor.  "Starr was trying to find out if there has ever been a sexual
relationship between the president and the first lady." (Hamilton)

Bump in the Night: Did you see that big red bump on President Clinton's
forehead? He said he walked into a door.  "What really happened is that he
was going to meet an intern, and Motel 6 forgot to leave the light on." (Jay
Leno)

Timothy Leary's Dead: "There have been erroneous news reports that Bob Hope
has died. It's also been mistakenly announced that Keith Richards is still
alive." (Zack Taylor, Westwood One Radio Network)

Are You Happy To See Me?: "OK---Charlton Heston walks into a bar with a gun
and tells the bartender; "I'll have a beer, and a Scotch for my Uzi." The
bartender recognizes him, sees the gun and quickly complies.  Heston drinks
the beer then leaves, not touching the Scotch.  Next day the same thing
happens. He drinks the beer and leaves the Scotch untouched. Third day he
comes in and says; "I'll have a beer, and a Scotch for my Uzi." The
bartender can't stand it anymore and says; "Please don't be mad, but why do
you come in every day, drink your beer but leave the Scotch untouched?" "I'm
teaching the gun control." (Bill Williams)
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