Fun_People Archive
10 May
"There is no one so high or so low as to escape the . . ."

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Sun, 10 May 98 20:58:38 -0700
To: Fun_People
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Subject: "There is no one so high or so low as to escape the . . ."

[A quote from The Investigator?  Whew!  That brings back memories...  -psl]

X-Lib-of-Cong-ISSN: 1098-7649
Forwarded-by: Peter Lytle <plytle@capital.edu>


WASHINGTON, DC (FPI) - In a move that Washington insiders have dubbed "Starr
Raving Mad", Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr subpoenaed God today. Starr
apparently could not accept that his strongest link between the Clintons
and the Whitewater scandal, James McDougal, had "been called to his maker",
so Starr decided to bring this Maker in for impeding his investigation.
Despite the fact that McDougal was a Southern Baptist, Starr's subpoena
covered 1,234,900 gods from the well known, Buddha and Vishnu, to the more
dubious like Elvis, Cindy Crawford and The Guy Who Invented Beer. To serve
a subpoena on God, process servers have done everything from eating peyote
to feigning a ring kiss and slipping the ol' subpoena into the hands of the
Pope.  God has yet to respond.  In addition, Starr has been unable to issue
a statement as no one will stand within 20 feet of him, as he is now called,
"Ol' Lightning Rod."

© 1998 Peter Langston