Fun_People Archive
23 Mar
God's Word?

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Mon, 23 Mar 98 14:44:45 -0800
To: Fun_People
Precedence: bulk
Subject: God's Word?

[Suspicious in places, but funny, nonetheless.  -psl]
Forwarded-by: "Jack D. Doyle" <doylej@PEAK.ORG>
Forwarded-by: Guenther Stotzky <stotzky@is2.nyu.edu>
Forwarded-by: David Pramer <PRAMER@ORSP.Rutgers.edu>

Students in both Jewish and Christian parochial schools were asked to write
about the Bible.  The following are some of the responses:

 OLD TESTAMENT HISTORY:

 Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.

 The Jews were a proud people and, throughout history, they had trouble with
 unsympathetic Genitals.

 The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.  Afterward, Moses went up
 on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments.

 The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

 The Fifth Commandment is humor thy mother and father.

 The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

 Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol.

 David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar.


 NEW TESTAMENT HISTORY

 When Mary heard that she was the Mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.

 When the three wise guys from the East Side arrived, they found Jesus in
 the manager.

 Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before
 they do one to you.  He also explained, "Man doth not live by sweat alone."

 It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the
 tombstone off the entrance.

 The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.

 The epistles were the wives of the apostles.

 One of the opossums was St. Matthew, who was by profession a taximan.

 St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is
 another name for marriage.

 According to the Bible, a Christian should have only one wife.  This is
 called monotony.

© 1998 Peter Langston