Fun_People Archive
16 Mar
SPOILER - Seinfeld

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Mon, 16 Mar 98 19:09:01 -0800
To: Fun_People
Precedence: bulk
Subject: SPOILER - Seinfeld

Forwarded-by: Dan Hunt <dan@opnsys.com>

Hey kids don't hate me for my research prowess.
Don't read on unless you really want to hate the researcher with the most.
I've got no idea if this is true, but if it is...

Here it is....

According to my sources, whom I cannot reveal or else our very way of life
would forever be altered, below is an outline of the final episode of
Seinfeld. If you don't want to ruin it, then don't read it...but you will
anyway. You just can't help yourself. It's human nature.

Scene 1: Jerry's kitchen

Jerry discusses a career move with Elaine and George. A California agent is
offering a variery TV show, guest appearances, a huge home in Beverly Hills
and plenty of young starlets and models to escort him to parties. The catch?

Jerry must move to the West Coast. He decides to go and Elaine and George,
having nothing better to do, decide to accompany him and help pick out a
house.

Scene 2: A Beverly Hills mansion

A charming, handsome real estate broker is showing Jerry, Elaine and George
the house. Elaine is enthralled with the gentleman and after determining he
is divorced AND wealthy, makes her moves while Jerry tries to get details
about the house.

Scene 3: Hotel bar

Jerry, Elaine and George are celebrating Jerry's decision to buy the mansion
and Jerry is convinced gorgeous women are already giving him the eye.
Elaine announces she has a date with the broker and has good feelings he
could be "the one." George, feeling left out, decides to go off by himself.

Scene 4:  Jerry's hotel room

Jerry is awakened by pounding on his door. It is George and he is beside
himself with excitement. Seems he met a big newspaper executive who was also
a huge Yankees' fan. When George told him he was way up in the Yankee
organization (George wasn't completely honest about his departure) the man
offered him a terrific position at the newspaper as a TV critic. The
downside? George has to watch a great deal of TV.
George: "The DOWNSIDE,Jerry, the DOWNSIDE! This is it Jerry! My dream come
true!"

Scene 5: Hotel restaurant

Jerry and George meet Elaine for breakfast.  George decides he needs a
house, too so Elaine suggests her new love. Jerry hints how he and George
will miss her. Elaine smirks and says,"Maybe not!" Seems her new man wants
her to come and spend time at his house and do nothing but enjoy herself
for awhile. Of course she said yes.
Elaine: "His so-called HOUSE is bigger than JFK Jr's!"

Scene 6: Jerry's New York apartment, which is mostly empty

Jerry and George are having a last look around when Kramer comes sliding in
and starts looking around. Jerry and George are feeling a little guilty
about leaving Kramer but Kramer only seems interested in what Jerry's
leaving and can he have it? He tells them not to worry because Kramer is a
"New York State of Mind" kind of guy.

A Short Series of Scenes without dialogue:
Jerry at an exclusive restaurant with a gorgeous blonde.
Elaine by the pool being served by a maid.
George in a sweatsuit watching TV.
Jerry buying a cadillac with visions of Uncle Leo being envious.
Elaine getting a facial, pedicure and manicure at the same time.
George in a robe watching TV.
Jerry getting out of a limo with a gorgeous redhead.
Elaine, with an assistant carrying bags, entering Gucci's.
George in his underwear watching TV.
Jerry,with a beautiful brunette, being surrounded by autograph seekers
  at his parents' retirement community while his proud parents look on.
Elaine and her man being served gourmet food in their elegant dining room.
George, presumably naked, watching TV.

Scene 7: A very upscale coffee shop

Jerry, Elaine and George, all well-dressed and tan are having coffee
surrounded by "beautiful" people but there is a certain familiarity about
the scene. George is discussing his parents. He is worried about them and
they keep calling him - COLLECT! He claims he doesn't miss them but Jerry
suspects otherwise. Elaine brings up the fact that there is a small guest
house behind George's new house and why not fix it up and let them live
there? That way they would be close but not TOO close. She snidely
adds,"Just be sure to keep your windows covered, George, you don't want your
mom to see you AGAIN!" George, feeling empowered, agrees.

Scene 8: Jerry's new kitchen

George is asking Jerry and Elaine if they want to go with him to shop for
a new robe and slippers. All his TV viewing is wearing them out pretty
quickly and he may have to get a clothing allowance. Elaine says she is sure
Mr. Right is going to pop the question soon and Jerry is deciding which
supermodel to take to a premiere when there is a knock on the door. As Jerry
heads to the door, Elaine remarks,"You still answer your own door, you just
don't get it do you?" When Kramer comes bursting in. All three are shocked
when Jerry says "What are you doing here?" Kramer grins and says,"Doing
here? I live here! Right across the street, buddy!" (Yes, astute viewers
will have noticed the For Sale sign on the house earlier in the episode.)
Seems an NBC executive saw an old clip of Kramer on Murphy Brown and looked
Kramer up for his own sitcom. With a sure smile Kramer says "NBC has an
opening on Thursday night. If I'm not "must see TV" no one is!" Jerry
reminds him he has a "New York State of Mind" but Kramer just says, "I still
do ,Jerry, but now I'm "Bicoastal!"

Final Scene: Jerry's kitchen

Jerry, Elaine, George and Kramer are hanging out when the conversation turns
to how lucky they all are. Each has achieved what they desired most.  Then
they realize each has no particular plans for the evening and how about a
movie? Of course, there is the usual squabbling until they pick the theater
and time. All is really the same.

Closing credits: Jerry's California street

The street is quiet except for a mail truck going slowly from mailbox to
mailbox. As the camera zooms in on the mail truck, now in front of Jerry
box, we see the laughing face of ... NEWMAN!

© 1998 Peter Langston