Fun_People Archive
5 Mar
Another Brain Surgeon

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Thu,  5 Mar 98 18:26:51 -0800
To: Fun_People
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Subject: Another Brain Surgeon

Forwarded-by: "m.b.komor" <mbkomor@remarque.org>
Forwarded-by: Alena Giguette <alena@alenafix.com>
Forwarded-by: David Arstein <David.Arstein@Eng.Sun.COM>

In rural Carbon County, PA, a group of men were drinking beer & discharging
firearms from the rear deck of a home owned by Irving Michaels, age 27.

The men were firing at a raccoon that was wandering by, but the beer
apparently impaired their aim and, despite the estimated 35 shots the group
fired, the animal excaped into a 3 foot diameter drainage pipe some 100 feet
away from Mr.  Michael's deck. Determined to terminate the animal, Mr.
Michaels retrieved a can of gasoline and poured some down the pipe,
intending to smoke the animal out.

After several unsuccessful attempts to ingnite the fuel, Mr. Michaels
emptied the entire 5 gallon fuel can down the pipe and tried to ignite it,
again, to no avail. Not one to admit defeat by wildlife, the determined Mr.
Michaels proceeded to slide feet-first approximately 15 feet down the
sloping pipe to toss the match.

The subsequent rapidly expanding fireball propelled Mr. Michaels back the
way he had come, though at a much higher rate of speed. He exited the angled
pipe "Like a Polaris Missile leaves a submarine", according to witness
Joseph McFadden, 31.

Mr. Michaels was launched directly over his own home, right over the heads
of his astonished friends, onto his front lawn. In all, he traveled over
200 feet through the air. "There was a Doppler Effect to his scream as flew
over us", McFadden reported, "followed by a loud thud!"

Amazingly, he suffered only minor injuries. "It was actually pretty cool,"
Michaels said, "Like when they shoot someone out of a cannon at the circus.
I'd do it again if I was sure I wouldn't get hurt."

© 1998 Peter Langston