Fun_People Archive
2 Mar
Defense Contractors - 3X

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Mon,  2 Mar 98 23:14:07 -0800
To: Fun_People
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Subject: Defense Contractors - 3X

Forwarded-by: "Keith E. Sullivan" <KSullivan@worldnet.att.net>
Forwarded-by: Maiser@mail.otherwhen.com

	WELFARE RECIPIENTS OF THE YEAR

The Defense Department agreed to fund a third of the $92 million in bonuses
that top executives at Lockheed and Martin Marietta gave themselves for
merging the two companies and eliminating 30,000 jobs.  (Wouldn't you want
a big bonus if you'd just gotten rid of 30,000 workers?)  Defense officials
defended the merger "without commenting on the windfall for the company
executives."  They also did not comment on the previous employer of both
Defense Secretary William Perry and his Deputy John Deutch.  Both worked
for, you guessed it, Martin Marietta.  Obviously a pure coincidence that
had no bearing on the outcome.  (Newsday 3/17/95)

American Newspeak <http://www.scn.org/news/newspeak/month.html>
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	THE NONSTORY OF THE YEAR (RUNNER-UP)

Senator Chuck Grassley (Iowa - R) revealed to the Senate a modest problem
in the Defense Department.  It seems that, according to the GAO, they have
$33 billion dollars they don't know what happened to.  "Sec.  Perry knows
that $33 billion was spent, but he does not know how it was spent.  All he
knows for sure is that $33 billion went out the door." Sen. Grassley
described the Pentagon's check writing machine as "stuck on full power"
resulting in overpayments that contractors can't stop.  A spot check audit
revealed $1.4 billion in overpayments.  The mess is so total, the "cost of
the bookkeeping cleanup operation could approach the cost of DOD's
environmental cleanup operation."  That sure looks like a news story to me,
but somehow I missed it in the media. (Cong. Rec.  3/22/95)

American Newspeak <http://www.scn.org/news/newspeak/month.html>
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	FLIGHT OF THE BUMBLING THIEVES

NEW YORK, NY (DWPI) -- Due to ongoing confusion and cross-purchasing of
subsidiary companies in the shrinking defense industry, a major aircraft
manufacturer actually bought itself this morning.  "Worse yet, it was a
hostile takeover," said Prof. P. P. Pencilneck of the Emory State University
of Georgia Tech.  "And they paid themselves way too much money for what
they're actually worth on the market."  Wall Street prices for related
stocks soared up, crashed, then soared and crashed again.  Inside traders
referred to this as "the Boeing-Boeing Effect." Said one distraught
bondsman, "This is nuts.  This is crazy.  These guys must be suffering from
some kind of military-industrial complex." Company officials were
unavailable for comment, having abruptly cashed in all their stock options
and purchased an unnamed island in the Caribbean region.

Reported by Rick Albertson
The Daily Weekly, September 4, 1997 <daily@walrus.com>

© 1998 Peter Langston