Fun_People Archive
3 Feb
Fantasy Headlines

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Tue,  3 Feb 98 21:48:57 -0800
To: Fun_People
Precedence: bulk
Subject: Fantasy Headlines

Forwarded-by: Nev Dull <nev@bostic.com>
Forwarded-by: jha@manx2.demon.co.uk (John Atkinson)
Forwarded-by: guy@netapp.com (Guy Harris)

_New Scientist_ has a competition each year in which readers are invited to
let their dreams unfold and tell the world the headline they would most like
to see (in _New Scientist_) in the year to come.

Here are this year's winners:

Pope Joan-Paula I approves new contraceptive (Valerie Moyses).

Indestrooktibul spel chequer virrus on rimpoge (Cheryl Chapman).

Time travel to be discovered next year (J. White).

Statisticians show that 80 per cent of damned lies are true (J. White).

Found -- the gene that causes belief in genetic determinism (Stephen Thompson).

Water into wine--ancient catalyst rediscovered (Ray Heaton).

I learnt touch typing in utero, says fetus (Helena Petre).

Half-dead cat found in box -- RSCPA seeks Austrian scientist (Peter Rowland).

Tony Blair cloned -- regional assemblies to get one each (George Oldham).

"Dolly" Thatcher wins 10 seats in Parliament (Kevin Ennis).

Fleischman and Pons awarded Nobel prize (Kevin Ennis)

Mir operating manual discovered behind refrigerator in Moscow supermarket
(Alastair Johnson).

The Universe stops expanding this week -- keew siht gnidnapxe spots esrevinU
ehT (Raymond Broersma).

Butterflies exterminated in Sumatra -- We WILL stop hurricanes," vows
Clinton (Bonnie Ralph).

Genetically spliced yeast makes old malt whisky from remaindered books
(Ronald Smith).

Meteorite hits lottery winner (Patrick Rowley).

Fermat's last memo discovered -- Sod the margin, look on the other side of
the page" (Chris Moore).

Goodbye Dolly -- biotechnology triumph mown down by tourist's car
(Richard Collender).

"Face" on Mars proves to be optical illusion -- NASA now investigating
"vase" on Mars (Bruce Alcorn).

Immune system boosted by real ale (Gerald Leach).

Microsoft help helps (Mike Haslam).

"Guilt" gene isolated and destroyed -- millions enjoy Christmas (Melissa Lewis)

© 1998 Peter Langston