Fun_People Archive
11 Jan
The inevitable crass jokes about politicians skiing (part 1)
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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Sun, 11 Jan 98 21:29:02 -0800
To: Fun_People
Precedence: bulk
Subject: The inevitable crass jokes about politicians skiing (part 1)
Forwarded-by: Cal Herrmann <calani@netcom.com>
Forwarded-by: jemichae@othello.ucs.indiana.edu
Forwarded-by: Lisa Ratmansky <lratmans@fas.harvard.edu>
Forwarded-by: Pamela Inglesby <inglesby@humanitas.ucsb.edu>
[further forwards deleted (out of thoughtlessness?)]
TO BE SUNG TO THE TUNE, "I GOT YOU, BABE"
Mike: They say that we can't go down the hill,
Before we go we should really write a will.
Sonny: Well I don't know if all that's true,
Watch out for that bush, 'cause I think it really grew.
Sonny: Tree
Both: I hit you, tree.
I hit you, tree.
Mike: They say football on skis is really dumb,
Before we know it we'll both be very numb.
Sonny: I guess that's so, the wind's in our hair,
You did the sitter, but, baby, I did Cher.
Sonny: Tree
Both: I hit you, tree.
I hit you, tree.
Mike: I got flowers on my grave.
It was stupid, but baby, we seemed brave.
Sonny: And we weren't drunk, just acting like clowns.
We didn't see the tree, but we sure found the ground.
Mike: Don't let them say that we can't ski,
We were doin' pretty good 'til we hit that goddamn tree.
Sonny: So I put my little hand on the branch,
Thought I'd break my fall, but wound up buying the ranch.
Sonny: Tree.
Both: I hit you, tree.
I hit you, tree.
Sonny: I had Cher to hold my hand.
Mike: She had you--then found a real man.
Sonny: I had Newt to think with me.
Mike: I had Ted to drink with me.
I went and kissed that tree goodnight.
Split my skull from left to right.
I hit the tree, I can't let go.
My blood is dripping on the snow.
Both: I hit you, tree.
I hit you, tree.
I hit you, tree.
I hit you, tree.
----------
Forwarded-by: Gende,Gretchen-SEA
Q: And why did Sonny Bono ski into the tree??...
A: It's always been a good political move to keep up with the Kennedys.
Q: What's the title of Sonny Bono's new hit single?
A: "I Got Yew, Babe...."
Q: Why did Sonny die in a ski accident?
A: After being a mayor and a congressman, he wanted to be a Kennedy.
Q: What's the difference between Sonny Bono and Michael Kennedy?
A: About five days.
Police reported Sonny's passing was a quick death. Just like his
solo career....
Q: What directly preceded Sonny Bono's senseless death?
A: Sonny Bono's senseless life.
Q: How was the body found?
A: Sonny side up.
Q: What kind of tribute should Cher perform at Sonny's funeral?
A: A moment of silence.
Q: How do we know Sonny was a politician at heart?
A: At the very end, he was stumping.
We are all mortal. And in the end, Sonny was just ski and bones.
Q: What's the difference between John Denver and Michael Kennedy?
A: John Denver made it alive out of Aspen.
Q: Has Elton John re-written any of his songs for Michael Kennedy?
A: Not yet, but he's done one about the tree: "I'm Still Standing"
Q: How can you be sure that Michael was really a Kennedy?
A: Check the family tree.
Q: How will the priest begin Michael Kennedy's eulogy?
A: "We are gathered here together on this slalom occasion...."
A simple accident? Some witnesses insist there was a second tree at
the snow-covered knoll...
Q: What do Michael and JFK Jr's magazine "George" have in common?
A: Wood pulp.
New bumper sticker...."Plant A Tree....Kill A Kennedy...."
Q: What's one event you don't want to be at?
A: A Michael Kennedy New Year's Bash
Q: What will it take to reunite the four Kennedy brothers?
A1: One more bullet.
A2: A season lift pass.
Diana's new title: Princess of Walls
Q: What's the one word that could have saved Princess Diana's life?
A: Taxi!
Q: What did the Queen say when she heard Princess Diana died in a car accident?
A: Was Fergie with her?
Q: Why was Elton John invited to the funeral?
A: So at least one old queen would be seen crying in public.
Q: Why did Elton John perform at the funeral?
A: The Crash Test Dummies were unavailable.
Q: What's harder than getting red wine off carpeting?
A: Getting Di off the upholstery.
Q: What was the official cause of Princess Diana's death?
A: Car-pole-tunnel syndrome.
______________________________________________________________________________
Forwarded-by: Ninafel <Ninafel@aol.com>
Forwarded-by: "Alan E. Mays" <AEM@psulias.psu.edu>
Forwarded-by: BlondHarly <BlondHarly@aol.com>
================================================================
T H E H U M O R L I S T
================================================================
YOU HIT ME, BABE
(A Duet for Sonny Bono and a Tree)
SONNY: When I was young, I couldn't know
I'd be a ski bum and take a fatal blow
TREE: Well, all I know, is you can't ski
Cause you hit me and baby I'm a tree
BOTH: Babe!
TREE: You hit me, Babe!
SONNY: DOA, Babe
SONNY: What kind of fool is killed by a tree
While skiing a resort that's called Heavenly
TREE: Make no mistake, you're quite a dope
If I were you're age I'd take the bunny slope
BOTH: Babe!
TREE: You hit me, Babe!
SONNY: 86, Babe!
SONNY: I got a chainsaw with my things
TREE: If you'd lived, you'd see my rings
SONNY: Oh, I'm so mad, you're in the ground
TREE: I'm not to blame, you could have gone `round
SONNY: And some will say I'm like Kennedy
Don't follow his lead, cause death's no remedy
TREE: And when they put you in the ground
There ain't no arts endowment you can pound
BOTH: Babe!
TREE: You hit me, Babe!
SONNY: N.E.A., Babe?
TREE: You hit me, you're head is Spam
SONNY: I hit you, I'm Republican
TREE: You hit me, do I look like Cher?
SONNY: I hit you, haven't got a prayer
TREE: You hit me, while on a peak
SONNY: I hit you, call it Lesbian Chic
TREE: You hit me, you gotta go
SONNY: I hit you, I'm dead in snow
BOTH: I (You) hit you (me), babe!!!!!!!!!
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© 1998 Peter Langston
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