Fun_People Archive
18 Dec
The Comedian's-eye View of 12/18/97

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Thu, 18 Dec 97 01:01:19 -0800
To: Fun_People
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Subject: The Comedian's-eye View of 12/18/97

Excerpted-from: 12/18/97 -- ShopTalk

                       Thursday December 18, 1997

	"Probably Sam Donaldson"
		- Ellen DeGeneres, after Barbara Walters asked her who would
		  supply the sperm if she and Anne Heche had a baby, on the
		  10 Most Fascinating People of 1997

                               &&&&&&&&&&

"A Madison Avenue study reports that the CBS television network has the
oldest audience by far.  In fact, the network is considering a new
action-adventure series:  Joan of AARP." (Jim Rosenberg)
<http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Lofts/7901/jokes.htm>

But Didn't Ali MacGraw's Character Die At The End? Vice President Al Gore
recently hinted that the star-crossed couple in "Love Story" was modeled
after him and his wife.  "Later, Gore said he was mixed up, and that he and
Tipper were actually the inspiration for the film 'Coma.'" (Premiere Radio)

How About 'The Blob'"? "Meanwhile, actor Tom Arnold claims that the main
characters in 'Titanic'- the boat and the iceberg- were inspired by his
ex-wife, Roseanne." (Roy Rivenburg)

Term Limits: South African President Nelson Mandela says he'll step down
when his term ends in 1999.  He spent 25 years in prison before holding
public office.  "In America, we do it the other way around." (Argus
Hamilton)

Santa's Sweatshop: Fidel Castro is allowing his Cuban workers to celebrate
Christmas for the first time in 28 years.  "No word from Kathie Lee Gifford
on hers." (Voldseth)

The Buddy System: "People are wondering why the president got a puppy.  Some
say it's to replace Chelsea.  But the real reason, all men know, is because
dogs are babe magnets."  (Paul Steinberg)

The Abridged David Letterman:
  Top 10 Signs your wife is having an affair with Santa Claus:
10. She refers to your bed as "Santa's Workshop."
 7.  She smells like combination of peppermint sticks and reindeer chow.
 5.  Paramedics need Jaws of Life to get the two of them out of the chimney.
 4.  Lately, she's been commuting to work in a flying sled.

© 1997 Peter Langston