Fun_People Archive
11 Dec
The Comedian's-eye View of 12/12/97

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Thu, 11 Dec 97 18:44:37 -0800
To: Fun_People
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Subject: The Comedian's-eye View of 12/12/97

Excerpted-from: 12/12/97 -- ShopTalk

                        Friday December 12, 1997

     "P.J. Carlesimo told Sprewell to put a little mustard on the passes
      whereupon Sprewell tried to remove Carlesimo's hot dog from its bun."
				- Keith Olbermann on "The Big Show"

                               &&&&&&&&&&

New Math: Basketball player Latrell Sprewell will lose the remainder of his
#32-million contract after trying to strangle his coach.  "It's a hefty sum.
Mike Tyson would have to eat four ears to lose that much money." (Argus
Hamilton)

Now that O.J. Simpson defense lawyer Johnnie Cochran is advising Latrell
Sprewell, says Steve Rosenbloom of the Chicago Tribune, "Sprewell is
expected to announce that during his suspension he will begin searching for
the real stranglers."

Meanwhile, Sprewell's attorney, Barry Scheck, "claims the wounds on the
coach's neck were from a prior injury.  He wants the charges reduced to
friendly tickling." (Jay Leno)

Jay Leno, on Cochran's presence at Sprewell's news conference Tuesday:
"That's the law.  Whenever there are three or more cameras in the room at
one time, Johnnie must be present."

David Letterman, Abridged: The top 10 other things that will get you
suspended from the NBA...
10. Show up to a game in the same dress as Dennis Rodman.
8.  Get caught chugging a bottle of Michael Jordan's cologne.
5.  At halftime, roast team mascot on a giant spit.
1.  Scratch up the court with your high heels.

"The way I hear it," says Larry Guest of the Orlando Sentinel, "this open
choking season on coaches who have yelled at you has set off a stampede of
dozens of former Indiana basketball players racing back to the campus."

The original Bozo, Ned Bell, has died, but the Cutler Daily Scoop says:
"Fortunately, there are always people like Latrell Sprewell to carry on the
name."

Mascot Make-Overs: First, Barbie got a new look.  Now, the Michelin
tire man.  "What's next? Mr. Clean taking Rogaine?" (Mark Efman)
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