Fun_People Archive
4 Dec
New and Improved Effects Pedals for Musicians

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Thu,  4 Dec 97 20:11:46 -0800
To: Fun_People
Precedence: bulk
Subject: New and Improved Effects Pedals for Musicians

Forwarded-by: David Ward <djw@bitsmart.com>

	New and improved effects pedals for musicians:

Time distortion: Makes guitar solos seem longer. Can also be achieved by
ineptitude.

Blame shifter: Shifts the pitch of mistakes down one octave so that the
audience thinks it was the bass player.

Depander: Filters out popular cover songs.

Overjive: Makes Hootie songs sound like Parliament.

Active pickups: Amplifies "signals" sent to attractive audience members.

Fluff box: Filters out excessive musical substance.

Rehash: Stores and plays back your favorite riffs constantly and forever.

Feedback Eliminator: Drowns out "constructive criticism."

Band Pass Filter: Eliminates sexual advances between band members.

Depressor: Changes any chord to E minor.

Paralytic Equalizer: Makes you as good as other guitarists by injecting them
with nerve toxins.

© 1997 Peter Langston