Fun_People Archive
22 Nov
Texas quotes

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Sat, 22 Nov 97 17:12:56 -0800
To: Fun_People
Precedence: bulk
Subject: Texas quotes

Forwarded-by: "The Good, Clean Funnies List" <gcfl-request@usa.net>

The following are actual quotes from (actual) Texas politicians:

"It just makes good sense to put all your eggs in one basket."
Texas Rep. Joe Salem speaking on an amendment requiring all revenues to go
into the state treasury

"Ain't nothin' in the middle of the road but yellow stripes and dead
armadillos."
Texas Agriculture Commissioner Jim Hightower

"And now, will y'all stand and be recognized?"
Texas House Speaker Gib Lewis to a group of handicapped people in
wheelchairs

"Dallas salutes a person who can buy a piece of art, but not a person who
can create one."
A. C. Greene

"No thanks, once was enough."
Texas Governor Bill Clements, asked if he had been born again.

"Oh good.  Now he'll be bi-ignorant."
Texas Agriculture Commissioner Jim Hightower when told that Texas Governor
Bill Clements had been studying Spanish.

"I'd just make a little bit of money, I wouldn't make a whole lot."
Texas House Speaker Gib Lewis defending himself against the charge that he
would personally profit from a bill he had introduced.

"Well, there never was a Bible in the room."
Texas Governor Bill Clements, asked about repeatedly lying about the SMU
football scandal.

"I am filled with humidity."
Texas House Speaker Gib Lewis

"If ignorance ever goes to $40 a barrel, I want drillin' rights on that
man's head."
Texas Agriculture Commissioner Jim Hightower discussing President George
Bush's policies.

"If it's dangerous to talk to yourself, it's probably even dicier to
listen."
Texas Agriculture Commissioner Jim Hightower

"I move we recess to go outside and throw up."
Texas House Speaker Gib Lewis during a budget hearing.

"This is a real competitive business."
A gas station owner, when asked to explain the rapid rise in gasoline prices
when Kuwait was invaded.

"...idiots, imbeciles, aliens, the insane and women..."
Law standing in Texas until 1918 regulating who could not vote.

"It's the sediment of the House that we adjourn."
Texas House Speaker Wayne Clayton

"Let's do this in one foul sweep."
Texas House Speaker Wayne Clayton

"This is unparalyzed in the state's history."
Texas House Speaker Gib Lewis

"I want to thank each and every one of you for having extinguished
yourselves this session."
Texas House Speaker Gib Lewis

"We'll run it up the flagpole and see who salutes that booger."
Texas House Speaker Gib Lewis

"There's a lot of uncertainty that's not clear in my mind."
Texas House Speaker Gib Lewis

"I can explain it for you, but I can't understand it for you."
Anon.

© 1997 Peter Langston