Fun_People Archive
31 Oct
The Rewards of the Religious Life

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Fri, 31 Oct 97 11:52:00 -0800
To: Fun_People
Precedence: bulk
Subject: The Rewards of the Religious Life

Forwarded-by: TomRawson@aol.com
Forwarded-by: ham@leland.Stanford.EDU (Gregory B. Hammer, M.D.)

After a preacher died and went to heaven, he noticed that a New York cab
driver had been awarded a higher place than he.  "I don't understand," he
complained to Saint Peter.  "I devoted my entire life to my congregation."

"Our policy here in Heaven is to reward results," Saint Peter explained.
"Now, was your congregation well attuned to you whenever you gave a sermon?"

"Well," the minister had to admit, "some in the congregation fell asleep
from time to time."

"Exactly," said Saint Peter.  "And when people rode in this man's taxi, they
not only stayed awake, but they even prayed."

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Three very religious rabbis in black with long beards were playing golf.
A guy named Mulhaney wanted to play golf and this was the only threesome in
which he could play.  So he joins the rabbis and plays 18 holes.

At the end of the game his score is 104.  The rabbis shot 69, 70 and 71.
He says to them, "How come you all play such good golf?"

The lead rabbi said, "When you live a religious life, join and attend
temple, you are rewarded."

Mulhaney loves golf and figures, what do I have to lose.  So he finds a
temple close to his home, attends twice a week, converts, joins and lives
a holy life.

About a year later he again plays golf with the three rabbis.  He shoots a
104 and they shoot a 69, 70, 71.  He says to them, "Okay, I joined a temple,
live a religious life and I'm still shooting lousy.

The lead rabbi said to him, "What temple did you join?"

He said, "Beth Shalom".

The rabbi retorted, "Schmuck!  That one's for tennis!"

© 1997 Peter Langston