Fun_People Archive
25 Oct
Fun_People Updates 10/25/97

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Sat, 25 Oct 97 15:23:15 -0700
To: Fun_People
Precedence: bulk
Subject: Fun_People Updates 10/25/97

[Herein a bunch of follow-ups, responses, and comments relating to recent
 Fun_People postings that I didn't think merited separate distribution...
 -psl]

_______________________________________________________________________________

From: Keith Dawson <dawson@sitaranetworks.com>
Re: MS does anti-Netscape code

> >This appears to be a clear instance of discriminatory coding on the part
> >of Microsoft, and is intended, one presumes, to make Navigator look
> >somewhat cruddy in comparison with MSIE (not to mention all of the other
> >software on a system).  It begs a troubling question: what other features
> >were included in MSIE 4.0 that were intended to, in some sense, impede
> >the software of Microsoft's competitors?

Peter -- you might want to let your readers know there may be less to
this problem than there appears. I exchanged mail with this report's
author, Bryan O'Sullivan, on 10/11 and elected not to use this story
in TBTF after he wrote:

 > Well. It turns out that this only occurs with certain fonts, which
 > makes me think that buggy software, rather than malice, is in
 > operation.

[I could believe a bug AND malice...  -psl]
_______________________________________________________________________________

From: Daniel Steinberg <dss@opcode.com>
Re: Weirdness [498] - 22Aug97

>* The San Jose Mercury News reported in March on some working models of the
>Defense Department's tiny flying machines ("micro air vehicles"), no larger
>than birds, including one helicopter that could fit inside a peanut shell,

I read this article, and i still don't see how a helicopter, no matter how
small and how good, could fly anywhere inside a peanut shell, except around
inside the peanut shell.

_______________________________________________________________________________

From: Daniel Steinberg <dss@opcode.com>
Re: Another Airline Story

One time i was travelling in the back of the first class section.  Usually
they stick me in the back of coach, but it was a business trip and i got an
upgrade.  As people were getting settled in their seats, the stewardess
asked if anyone would like a magazine.  She was looking for them as she did
so, and people waited while she rummaged around in various bins and overhead
compartments, to no avail.  Apologetically, she said, "Gee, i don't know
where they all are.  Usually there's at least five or ten Working Women in
first class."

Incredulous, i exclaimed, "Really? Geez, i should fly first class more often!"

The other passengers laughed, but the stewardess shot me a withering look.
Since then, i've had to ride in the back of coach again.

========================================

And on a different subject, have you seen "Amazon Women on the Moon?"  Made
in 1986 by several directors including Joe Dante ("Gremlins"), it has a
bunch of famous and famous-to-be people in stupid segments that are pretty
hilarious.  They are mostly take-offs of late night television.  My favorite
is this ad where a smiling black guy with is singing "Raindrops Keep Falling
On My Head" into a studio microphone.  His name, Don Williams, flashes on
the screen below him, and it looks like an ad for some awful record
collection.  Suddenly the picture changes to BB King, and with the song
still in the background, he says:

  "Hi.  I'm BB King.  Did you know that every seven minutes, a
   black person is born in this country without soul?  Please help
   the unfortunate people like Don Williams, by writing to
      Blacks Without Soul, PO Box 4040, Atlanta, GA."

_______________________________________________________________________________

Forwarded-by: "Peter G. Capek" <capek@watson.ibm.com>
Re: lawyer jokes in general
Subject: Lawyers finally lose one...

Barnes & Noble and Amazon.com Announce Settlement of Lawsuit

NEW YORK and SEATTLE, Oct. 21 /PRNewswire/ -- Barnes & Noble, Inc. (NYSE:BKS)
and Amazon.com, Inc. (Nasdaq:AMZN) announced today that they have agreed to
a settlement of the lawsuit filed by Barnes & Noble and of the counterclaims
filed by Amazon.com.

Neither party admitted liability of any type, and neither party paid any
damages to the other. The parties simply decided that they would rather
compete in the marketplace than in the courtroom.

_______________________________________________________________________________

From: "Stephen Nelson" <snelson@nwlink.com>
Re: Another Airline Story

In the same vein, there is a particular regional air carrier (not in the
Northwest) that I determined never to use after one of my clients related
to me a story of one of their planes running out of fuel while taxiing to
the runway for take-off.  (My client refuses to fly on them also.)

_______________________________________________________________________________

Forwarded-by: Bob Noble <bobnoble@worldnet.att.net>
Re: Comedian's-eye View

[Peter: I saw this last night and thought it might be appropriate for your
 "Comedians views" items, even though Costas is not known as a comedian.
 -bn]


Sportscaster Bob Costas noted late in the third game of the World Series
between the Cleveland Indians and the Florida Marlins, being played in
Ohio's 42-degree temperatures, that the visiting team was not used to the
weather. The players were shown lined up uncomfortably in the dugout, as
Costas remarked: "They may be Marlins, but they look more like Mrs. Paul's
frozen fish sticks."

_______________________________________________________________________________

Forwarded-by: Dan Hunt <dan@opnsys.com>
Re: John Denver

[I give up, I've received this a few times and made the mistake of not
 sending it out.]

      Oh God I'm An Ocean Buoy
      -not by John Denver

      Took a flight from the farm
      and I never came back
      Built a plane from a kit
      But I didn't have the knack
      Jumped in the cockpit
      and downed a six-pack
      And now I'm an ocean buoy

      Well, I grabbed the controls
      And I started to fiddle
      Got flames coming up
      On my face like a griddle
      Air flight ain't nothing
      But a funny, funny riddle
      So now I'm an ocean buoy.

      Well, my head's chopped in pieces
      And my body's full of dents
      They'll identify me
      By my guitar's fingerprints
      I tried to "dry out"
      But instead got a rinse
      And now I'm an ocean buoy

      Well, it's really farrr out
      When you're down 'neath the water
      I just ain't been right
      Since I started on the bottle
      I reach for Jim Beam
      But instead grab the throttle
      And now I'm an ocean buoy

      Well, I grabbed the controls
      And I started to fiddle
      Got flames coming up
      On my face like a griddle
      George Burns appeared beside me
      And we prayed just a little
      Oh God!  I'm an ocean buoy!

      The day's just about over
      And I'm sinking kinda low
      In the undersea world
      of Jacques Cousteau
      Calypso can you find me
      By the bubbles that I blow
      'Cause now I'm an ocean buoy.

_______________________________________________________________________________

From: tompar@world.std.com (Tom Parmenter)
Re: Totally Suspect Facts

Can't resist on some of these.

>From: Peter Langston <psl@acm.org>
>Date: Wed, 22 Oct 97 11:47:10 -0700
>
>[Here's a really annoying little collection of "facts."  Why annoying?  First,
> because the grammar is so execrable (e.g. "An ostriches eye is bigger than
> it's brain") and second, because the facts are so wrong...  I've corrected
> most of the grammar, but the suspicious facts remain...  Do you remember in
> grade school there was one teacher who thought he knew everything and would
> come up with some idiotic "fact" like "Eskimos have 4,863 words for snow, but
> no word for knife" and then smugly tell it to you like it was going to change
> your life?  Well, imagine you're at a party with him and he gets drunk...
>-psl]
>
>Forwarded-by: Chris Ausbrooks <causbrooks@acic.state.ar.us>
>Forwarded-by: Fred Rains
>Forwarded-by: Computing Solutions <compsol@aristotle.net>
>
>	TOTALLY USELESS FACTS
>
>The "pound" key on your keyboard (#) is called an octotroph.
>[How about "octothorpe"?  See this Fun_Item for more info...
> <http://208.223.32.15/~psl/Fun_People/1996/1996AAO.html> -psl]
"Octothorpe" is what A.T.&T. calls it.  It is also called a sharp
sign, pound sign, tic-tac-toe, and many more.

>The "dot" over the letter "i" is called a tittle.
The "dot" over the letter "i" is one example of a tittle.  A jot is an
iota, which is the Greek I, so "every jot and tittle" means "dot your eyes".


>Pepsi originally contained pepsin, thus the name.
I'll bet the name was just meant to convey that the drink (which as a
Georgian born and bred to drink the Real Thing, I abhor) is an aid to
digestion.


>The most common name in the world is Mohammed.
Only if you count Achmed, Mehmet, Muhammad, and all the other variations as
equivalent to Mohammad.  I once saw a reference to heavyweight champion
Mehmet Ali in a Turkish magazine.

>Cephalacaudal recapitulation is the reason our extremities develop faster
>than the rest of us.
I have no idea what "cephalacaudal recapitulation" means.  My brother once
went to a doctor complaining that his fingertips were numb and was told he
had "peripheral neuritis".

Nothing develops "faster" than anything.  Our extremities grow primarily in
two dimensions, i.e. lenghth, while our heads, butts, torsos, etc., grow in
three dimensions.  Is cephalacaudal recapitulation the reason babies' heads
are so large and grow so "slowly"?  I imagine that if you compared the
largely two-dimensional growth of arms and the largely three-dimensional
growth of the head, you'd find that the growth rate is the same.

>The slogan on New Hampshire license plates is "Live Free or Die." These
>license plates are manufactured by prisoners in the state prison in Concord.
A Jehovah's Witness in New Hampshire was arrested for living free and taping
over what he considered a blasphemous slogan.

Having lived next door to NH for some 40 years, I believe a better slogan
is "Live Cheap or Die".

>The house fly hums in the middle octave key of F.
60-cycle hum is B-flat an octave below middle C.

[Okay, I'll play, too.
    Assuming A4 (the A above middle C) is 440 Hz (the American Standard pitch  
adopted in 1936) 60 Hz is right smack dab between the 58.27 Hz of Bb1 (B flat  
in the third octave below middle C) and B1 at 61.74 Hz.  If you prefer the  
1891 International Pitch standard of A4 = 435, then 60 Hz is nearer B1 (61.03  
Hz) than Bb1 (57.61 Hz).  But what you usually hear as "60 cycle hum" usually  
has more 120 Hz components than 60 Hz, so it sounds more like Bb2 or B2 (in  
the second octave below middle C).
    I remember when I was a kid my mother would tune her guitar to the dial  
tone (a real dial tone, before there was touch tone - back then the dial tone  
was a single pitch) using it as an approximation of Bb.
    Finally, I'll admit that this is straying pretty far from the "fact" that  
a house fly hums in the key of F.  As a matter of fact, what does that mean?   
If a house fly goes by buzzing a 440 Hz A note and I say "Hey!  Waitaminnit!   
You're supposed to hum in the key of F!"  Isn't the fly just going to say:  
"You idiot!  A *is* in the key of F; it's the major third in the key of F,  
just like 60-cycle hum is a bluesy, jazzy flat five in the key of F."  Who are  
we to argue?  -psl]

>When you tie a noose, the rope is wrapped twelve times around because it's
>the same length as a persons head.
13 loops for bad luck, also 13 steps up to the gallows.

_______________________________________________________________________________

Forwarded-by: cdash@ludell.uccs.edu (Charlie Shub)
Re: More Musician Jokes

Q: what do you call a <generic type of musician> without a girlfriend?
A: homeless.

_______________________________________________________________________________

Forwarded-by: Rick Hulett <rickh@sprintnw.com>
Re: Totally Suspect Facts

Ooooh, this brought back horrible memories of my completely psychotic 6th
grade teacher who, when not shaking me and telling me I was a disgrace to
my Boy Scout uniform, told the class that we should be glad to live in the
US because in China there are so many people that they make them line up
and march into the sea to drown every day, every night, all the time.
Stupid old bitch.

_______________________________________________________________________________

Forwarded-by: <joev@archtop.com>
Re: Posters of Naked Women Fail to Draw Real Naked Women to Dorm Room
Forwarded-by: "Barbara Ballard" <bballard@coup.wednet.edu>
From: Jenny R

truth -- stranger than a humor list-serve!
This former student now attends Whitman College.
_______________________________________________________________________________
There is a guy in my dorm who has a "Women's Restroom" sign on his door.
I guess the thinking was, a female would walk by, really have to pee, walk
in his room, and proceed to strip for him.  So far I don't think this has
been a very successful ploy.

_______________________________________________________________________________

From: Joshua W Burton <jburton@merle.acns.nwu.edu>
Re: Apocalypse of the hectogigasecond

Archbishop Ussher's celebrated calculation put the beginning of creation at
sunset local time Garden of Eden (GMT +3) on 23 Oct 4004 BC, with the birth
of Christ precisely four millennia later, and the Last Trump expected two
thousand years after that.  Here in CST (GMT -5), as of roughly ten this
morning (no year 0, please note), it looks as if we might be off the hook.

Actually, I can't see a window from my cubicle, and I've been in hack mode
all day, so I'm not sure I'd have heard the horn solo.  Could someone please
take a look outside and make sure there's still sky and so on?  If not, I'm
thinking maybe I'll just blow this project off and go home early for once.

_______________________________________________________________________________

Forwarded-by: "Stephen Nelson" <snelson@nwlink.com>
Re: Totally Suspect Facts

the item about the speed of a ball off a tennis racket is probably close to
correct; if anything, it might be too small.  I saw results one time from
a series of measurements of the speed of various sports ball at their points
of maximum velocity; the measurements included a pitched baseball, a kicked
football, a served tennis ball, and a shot off a golf tee and invoolved top
rank professionals.  In ascending order they were the football, the
baseball, the tennis ball, and the tennis ball.  The key factor is the speed
of the motive instrument at the point of release.  The tennis ball and golf
ball were faster because the length of the racket and the club make the
heads of the racket and golf club greater than the arm/hand speed.
 The golf ball is fastest because the golf club is longer than a tennis
racket and the golf ball weighs less than a tennis ball. A baseball pitcher
delivers the ball at between 85 and 95 miles per hour.  Since 160 km/hr
figure is about 100 mph, the tennis ball number might be a bit small.

_______________________________________________________________________________

From: adam cavan <acavan@suika.com>
Re: Best Emergency Room Story of 1995

Peter,
Gee, that reminds me of the joke about the gay guy who makes an appointment
with his proctologist, on whom he has a crush, and when the proctologist,
looking up his anus, exclaims, "My god, there are a dozen red roses in
here!", the patient pleads "Read the card! Read the card!". Of course
that's just the essence of the joke and with the right padding it could
probably be asserted as fact and added to the two lame emergency stories.
What happened to the entries for 1996?

_______________________________________________________________________________

Forwarded-by: Laura Mancuso <Lmancus@aol.com>
Re: 10/27/97- ShopTalk

                         Monday October 27, 1997

	"Some object to Larry Flynt's presence in Cincinnati saying, quote
	 'We cannot allow Larry Flynt to establish the values for this city,'
	 that honorary position is already held by Marge Schott."

                           - Craig Kilborn, "The Daily Show"

© 1997 Peter Langston