Fun_People Archive
22 Oct
More Musician Jokes

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Wed, 22 Oct 97 18:57:54 -0700
To: Fun_People
Precedence: bulk
Subject: More Musician Jokes

Forwarded-by: David Ward <djw@bitsmart.com>
Forwarded-by: stvmarsh@ix.netcom.com <stvmarsh@ix.netcom.com>

Q: What do Ginger Baker and 7-11 coffee have in common?
A: They both suck without Cream.

A drummer, tired from being ridiculed by his peers, decides to learn how to
play some "real" musical instruments. He goes to a music store, walks in,
approaches the store clerk, and says "I'll take that red trumpet over there
and that accordion." The store clerk looks at him a bit funny, and replies
"OK, you can have the fire extinguisher but the radiator's got to stay".

Q: How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Twenty. One to hold the bulb, and nineteen to drink until the room spins.

Q: What do 4 drum sets sound like at the bottom of the sea?
A: A good idea!

Q: What kind of calender does a trombonist use for his gigs?
A: Year-at-a-Glance

Q: What do you call a accordionist with a beeper?
A: An optimist.

Q: What's the least used sentence in the English language?
A: "Look at that mandolin player's Cadillac!"

Q: Why don't sax players like playing soprano?
A: There's no place to hide your drugs.

Q: What is the difference between Kenny G and a machine gun?
A: The machine gun repeats only 10 times per second.

Kenny G gets on an elevator and says "Wow! This rocks!"

Q: What's the difference between a bari-sax and a chain saw?
A1: Vibrato.
A2: The exhaust.

You may be a redneck saxophonist if...
..you have an old bass sax up on blocks in your front yard.
..you spell it "saxaphone."
..you think the bell of your instrument is a great place to hold a longneck  
during a gig.
..the gun rack in your pickup truck holds a couple of old Buesher sopranos.
..you think that Boots Randolph is the greatest Jazz musician who ever lived.

Q: How do you make a double bass play in-tune?
A: Chop it up and make it into a xylophone.

Q: Did you hear about the bass player who locked his keys in the car?
A: He had to break the window to get the drummer out!

Q: Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
A: To get away from the noise.

Q: What's a string quartet?
A: A good violinist, a bad violinist, an ex-violinist, and someone who hates
   violinists, all getting together to complain about composers.

Q: What's glissando?
A: A technique adopted by string players for difficult runs.

Q: What does "subito piano" mean:
A: It indicates an opportunity for some obscure orchestra player to become a
   soloist.

Q: What does "senza sordino" mean:
A: It's a term used to remind the player that he forgot to put his mute on a
   few measures back.

Q: What's a half step?
A: The pace used by a cellist when carrying his instrument.

© 1997 Peter Langston