Fun_People Archive
17 Oct
Yuck Bits V7 #18

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Fri, 17 Oct 97 01:59:37 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: Yuck Bits V7 #18

Excerpted-from: Yucks Digest V7 #18 (shorts)

------------------------------

Date: Thu, 03 Apr 1997 10:04:11 EST
From: David L Stevens <dls@alecto.cc.purdue.edu>
Subject: coming to a bookstore near you...

	You know, since I wouldn't generally *choose* to use Windows for
programming, you could say I've been artificially infenestrated.

							+-DLS

------------------------------

Date: Tue, 14 Oct 1997 15:22:58 -0700
From: Michal Young <michal@cs.uoregon.edu>
Subject: fya: mixed message in paper solicitation

I just received a solicitation to submit to a conference of questionable
quality.  The following statement in the solicitation may not have had
quite the intended effect:
  "Papers like yours will increase significantly the quality of the
Conference."

------------------------------

Date: Tue, 14 Oct 1997 10:14:35 -0700
From: "Ric Forrester" <ric@visigenic.com>
Subject: And now, it's poor taste theater!

>Q:  What does Princess Diana turn into at midnight?
>
>A:  A wall.

------------------------------

Date: Wed, 15 Oct 1997 13:19:34 -0700
From: "Ric Forrester" <ric@visigenic.com>
Subject: Oh, gawd, make them stop!

So what was on Princess Diana's mind when she died?

                     The radiator


So what did Princess Diana say to the Papparazzi immediately after the
accident?

                     Don't take my picture -- I'm the bloody princess

------------------------------

Date: Wed, 15 Oct 1997 10:04:02 -0700
From: "Ric Forrester" <ric@visigenic.com>
Subject: Uh-oh, here they come...

>What did the Queen get Fergie for her B-day?
>
>A weekend in Paris,  a chauffered Mercedes, and a fifth of Vodka

------------------------------

Date: Thu, 16 Oct 1997 09:55:36 -0700
From: "Ric Forrester" <ric@visigenic.com>
Subject: It's Starting To Get Ugly Out There...

>What do Cellular telephones and Princess Diana have in common?
>
>
>Both die in tunnels !

------------------------------

Date: Fri, 10 Oct 1997 12:09:09 -0500
From: One of our contributors
Subject: New Latin Dictionary

   VATICAN CITY, Oct 6 (AFP) - From now on, the corridors of the Vatican
could echo with the Latin words for such daring concepts as strip-tease
artists and playboys, as recorded in the Holy See's new dictionary.
   A team of experts beavered away for more than eight years under the
supervision of Abbot Carlo Egger -- Pope John Paul II's chief aide on
drawing up official church documents and one of the world's leading Latin
scholars -- to produce the "Lexicon Recentis Latinitas."
   Published by the Vatican Library Monday, the tome is packed with some
15,000 neologisms to adapt the offical language of the church to the
exigences of late 20th-century life.
   Henceforth, "juvenes voluptarii" (playboys) who drink "vischium" (whisky)
and go to night-clubs to ogle at spectacles of "sui ipsius nudatores"
(strip-teasers) can in theory feature in the Vatican's documents.
   Less salaciously, the dictionary decrees that the word for shampoo is
"capitilavium," toilets are a "cella intima," a video casette is an
"instrumentum telehornamentis exceptorium," while an Unidentified Flying
Object (UFO) becomes a "res inexplicata volans."

------------------------------

Date: Mon, 13 Oct 1997 22:58:48 -0400 (EDT)
From: Santasam@aol.com
Subject: santasam strikes again

    A man walked into a crowded doctor's office.  As he approached the desk,
the receptionist asked, "Yes sir, may we help you?"
    "There's something wrong with my dick," he replied.
    The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a
crowded office and say things like that."
    "Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you." he said.
    "We do not use language like that here," she said.  "Please go outside
and come back in and say that there's something wrong with your ear or
whatever."
    The man walked out, waited several minutes and reentered.  The
receptionist smiled tolerantly and asked, "Yes?"
   "There's something wrong with my, er, ear," he stated. The receptionist
nodded approvingly. "And what is wrong with your ear, sir?"
    "I can't piss out of it." the man replied.


    The girls from the nursing home decide to stop at the local bar for a
cocktail after their weekly bridge game.
    Ellie has one martini too many and upon her return to the home is
feeling horny.  So she takes off her panties and puts them into her handbag,
then she bursts into George's room, pulls up her dress, and shouts -
"SUPERSEX!"
    George says "Ellie, for god's sake, my daughter is coming to visit and
is due any minute."
    Crestfallen, Ellie leaves, but is still feeling horny, so she goes on
down the hall to Jim's room and again bursts in, dress up, shouting
"SUPERSEX!"
    Jim looks up from his bed and says, "I'd like to help you out, but this
thing hasn't been up in ten years."
    Now Ellie is really depressed, but, she is made of strong stuff, so she
goes to the end of the hall and jumps into Fred's room, same routine, dress
up, shouting "SUPERSEX!"
    Fred looks at her for a moment and says: "I guess I'll take the soup."


Two guys are sitting at a bar and the first guy confides in the other saying
"Me and some friends went hunting the other day and we ended up drinking
more than hunting. The next morning I woke up and I had a used condom
sticking out of my ass. If this happened to you would you tell anyone?" The
other guy replies, " Hell no. I would not want anyone knowing." The first
guys says, " Want to go hunting next weekend?"


"Knock Knock."
"Who's there ?"
"Death."
"Death wh...
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