Fun_People Archive
3 Oct
It's a Miracle!

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Fri,  3 Oct 97 12:43:32 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: It's a Miracle!

[I guess paranormal-pseudo-news-and-conspiracies TV shows have a precedent
 after all...  -psl]

Forwarded-by: Nev Dull <nev@bostic.com>
From: Pope-Pourri, by John Dollison


                           It's a Miracle!
The saints are remembered most for their holy deeds, but many of
      them are also credited with having legendary powers.
               Here are some of the stranger ones:

Saint Hugh of Grenoble (1052-1132).  Made the sign of the cross over some
chickens and turned them into sea turtles, so that some hungry monks could
eat them on a meatless Friday (sea turtles were considered fish).

Saint Nicholas of Tolentino (1245-1305).  A similar story -- rather than
break a religious fast, Nicholas made the sign of the cross over a bird that
someone had cooked for him; it sprang to life and flew away.

Saint Leufredus (c. 738).  Struck bald a woman who made fun of his baldness;
struck toothless a thief who had slandered him; and struck infertile the
fields of a farmer who had plowed on Sunday.  Also banished the flies from
his house one afternoon when they interrupted his prayers; for this reason
he is the patron saint invoked against flies.

Saint Brigid (c. 450-525).  Hung her wet laundry on sunbeams, taught a fox
to dance, and changed her dirty bathwater into beer so that visiting clerics
would have something to drink.

Sain Peter Martyr (1205-1252).  Cursed some young hoodlums who were throwing
stones at a building.  The building  collapsed on the boys, killing them.

Saint Fillian (eight century).  His left arm glowed so brightly he could
read from it at night.

Saint Gwen (seventh century).  Grew a third breast after giving birth to
triplets (in honor of the Trinity).

Saint Lawrence (third century).  Leads one soul out of purgatory every
Friday (not to be confused with Saint Patrick, who leads seven souls out of
purgatory each Thurdsay and twelve each Saturday).

Saint Joseph of Cupertino (1603-1663).  Could recognize sinners "because
their faces appeared black to him," and could spot "perverts and sexual
offenders" because they gave off a foul stench.

Saint Fridolin (c. 650).  Had X-ray vision ... or at least could see through
the rubble of a monastery at Poiters, where he found the remains of Saint
Hilary (patron saint of lawyers and backward children).

saint Blaise (c. 275).  Talked a wolf into giving back a pig it had stolen.

Saint Francis of Assisi (c. 1181-1226).  Also good with animals.  On one
occasion he "preached a sermon to the birds"; on another he "made a peace
treaty with a wolf."

Saint Martin de Porres (1579-1639).  Could levitate and "bilocate" (appear
in two places at once) and glowed in the dark when he prayed.

Saint Antony of Padua (1195-1231).  Reattached the leg of a guilt-ridden
young man who had cut it off after kicking his mother with it.

Saint Peter Martyr (1205-1252).  Told a young man to chop off his foot after
he kicked his mother ... and then reattached it after the young man obeyed
the order.

Saint Eligius (c. 590 - c. 660).  Tried to nail a horseshoe on the hoof of
a restless horse, but the animal was so fidgety that he had to saw off its
leg to do it.  He reattached it afterwards by "making the sign of the cross
over it, so that no trace of a wound could be seen."

© 1997 Peter Langston