Fun_People Archive
29 Sep
The Comedian's-eye View of 09/30/97

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Mon, 29 Sep 97 22:33:57 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: The Comedian's-eye View of 09/30/97

Excerpted-from: 09/30/97 -- ShopTalk

                      Tuesday September 30, 1997

	"Ted Turner has promised to donate one billion dollars to the United
	Nations over the next ten years.  According to Turner, the enormous
	gift was the result of an impulsive decision to clean out his sock
	drawer."
				- Craig Kilborn on The Daily Show

                               &&&&&&&&&&

Marv (Albert) said he wanted to spare his family, his friends, his fiancee
any further embarrassment," Jay Leno says.  "That was a good move.  Thank
God he nipped it in the bud.  Imagine if that stuff got out, oh my God!"

Chris Pankey of Oakland hears that Marv Albert may salvage one endorsement
deal out of this mess: Bit-O-Honey.

John Cinderey of Orinda, summing up: "Marv obviously bit off more than he
could chew."

Leno again: "It's expected he'll be given two choices for his punishment,
either a year in jail or six months announcing Clipper games."

In reference to the Marv Albert trial: "If the panties don't fit. . .  you
must acquit." (Craig Kilborn, The Daily Show)

After the trial, Marv promised to take his fiancee out for a bite

Marv is going to be a noun or a verb: Would you like to come over to my
place for a Marv?

I'm not that hungry, maybe I'll just have a Marv.

Marv, may have to go to jail.  Virginia has a 3 bites law passed by voters.

Marv is a true newsperson, after seeing the victim--it truly was man bites
dog.

Marv traded in his Nike endorsement, he'll now being doing ads for Victoria
Secrets..

Dennis Rodman was outraged when he heard the verdict.  The only thing Marv
was guilty of, said Rodman, was a fashion felony.

For Marv, 2 on 1 isn't just basketball--it's a way of life.

Poor Marv, 3 hours after pleading guilty NBC gave him the pink slip.  He's
wearing it.

And when the judge asked Albert if he realized that he was pleading guilty
to the charges against him, the defendant responded, "Bite me!"

"Paul McCartney says that it's wrong to make criminals out of people who
smoke pot," says Argus Hamilton.  "The problem is, pot is a gateway drug.
One day you're not inhaling, the next day you're violating campaign finance
laws."

"Miss Canadian International was disqualified for working at a Hooters
restaurant," says Bill Williams.  "They confiscated her crown, swimsuit and
'I want to work with children and world hunger' practice tape."

"This is that time of year when Angels and Dodger fans say, 'How about those
Lakers?'" (Kenny Noble Cortes)

© 1997 Peter Langston