Fun_People Archive
23 Sep
The Comedian's-eye View of 09/23/97

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Tue, 23 Sep 97 02:30:50 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: The Comedian's-eye View of 09/23/97

Excerpted-from: 09/23/97 -- ShopTalk

                       Tuesday September 23, 1997

	"Elton John said he thought of singing a version of 'Candle In The
	Wind' [for Mother Teresa], but he can't think of a rhyme for
	'leprosy.'"
			- Bill Maher, on 'Politically Incorrect

                               &&&&&&&&&&


"This month's Glamour magazine has an article titled 'Six Signs That It's
Time To Find A New Job,'" says Steve Voldseth.  "Sign No. 1 is walking into
your office and finding this magazine on your desk."

"Baseball owners concluded meetings without even a proposal for
restructuring leagues and divisions.  It took less time than this to put
together the Marshall Plan and restructure Europe." (Jerry Perisho)

ATLANTA -- BILLIONNAIRE TED TURNER, FOUNDER OF CNN, VICE CHAIRMAN OF TIME
WARNER, OWNER OF THE ATLANTA BRAVES AND HUSBAND OF JANE FONDA HAS DONATED
$1 BILLION TO THE U.N. TO BE PAID OVER THE NEXT TEN YEARS:
+ "In appreciation, the UN General Assembly voted unanimously to allow Ted
to buy an emerging nation." -- (Bob Mills)
+ "Sen. Strom Thurmond criticized the huge donation, telling reporters that
the money would be better spent on the League of Nations." (Mills)
+ "Not to be outdone in the generosity department, Disney announced thet it
will donate 2% of all royalties from "It's a Small World After All" to the
UN." (Mills)
 "Ted Turner is giving 1 billion dollars to the United Nations.  His CNN
has brought to light an amazing global statistic.  Every six seconds in the
world, a woman gets engaged to Larry King." (Alan Ray)

"Russian space officials have extended an invitation to CNN's John Holliman
to broadcast from Mir.  The last person close to Ted Turner to be rocketed
into space was, of course, Barbarella." (Jim Rosenberg)

"If Holliman does go, he will have an urgent mission.  CNN's Larry King is
running out of wives on this planet and has asked Holliman to search the
heavens for more." (Rosenberg)
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