Fun_People Archive
23 Sep
Along the Road to Inverness

Content-Type: text/plain
Mime-Version: 1.0 (NeXT Mail 3.3 v118.2)
From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Tue, 23 Sep 97 01:30:07 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: Along the Road to Inverness

Forwarded-by: spaf@cs.purdue.edu (Gene "Chief Yuckster" Spafford)
Forwarded-by: Johnsen.Matthew.MB@bhp.com.au (Johnsen, Matthew MB)

One misty Scottish morning a man is driving through the hills to Inverness.

Suddenly out of the mist, a massive red-haired highlander steps into the
middle of the road.  The man is at least six feet four.  He has a huge red
beard and despite the wind, mist and near freezing temperatures, is wearing
only his kilt, a tweed shirt and a tam-o'-shanter at a rakish angle.  At
the roadside there also stands a young women.  She is absolutely beautiful
- slim, shapely, fair complexion, golden hair....... heart stopping.

The driver stops and stares, and his attention is only distracted from the
lovely girl when the red thing opens the car door and drags him from his
seat onto the road with a fist resembling a whole raw ham.

"Right, you Jimmy" he shouts, "Ah want you to masturbate",

"But......" stammers the driver.

"Du it now...or I'll bluddy kill yer!"

So the driver turns his back on the girl, drops his trousers and starts to
masturbate.  Thinking of the girl, this doesn't take him long.

"Right" snarls the highlander "Du it again!"

"But....." says the driver.

"Now!"

So the driver does it again.

"Right laddie, du it again" demands the highlander.

This goes on for an hour.  The hapless driver gets cramps in both arms, he
has rubbed himself raw, has violent knob-ache, his sight is failing (as
promised for years by his priest) and despite the cold wind has collapsed
in a sweating, jibbering heap on the ground, unable to stand.

"Du it again" says the highlander.

"I can't do it anymore - you'll just have to kill me", whimpers the man.

The highlander looks down at the pathetic soul slumped on the roadside.
"All right laddie," he says, "NOW you can give ma daughter a lift to
Inverness".

© 1997 Peter Langston