Fun_People Archive
22 Sep
Important News from the AJR

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Mon, 22 Sep 97 17:29:30 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: Important News from the AJR

Forwarded-by: Bob Noble <bobnoble@worldnet.att.net>

http://www.newslink.org/ajrtake.html

These are actual newspaper headlines which appear (randomly ... keep
clicking on the file each time and maybe a different one will show up),
on _American Journalism Review_ magazine's "Take Two" section:


+ Copy Editor on Holiday

"It's a task officers must deal with regularly as part of their
jack-off-all-trade profession."
	(Hardin County, Kentucky, News-Enterprise)

"Located in University Health Services, the Blue Bus clinic offers free
sexually transmitted disease to students."
	(University of Wisconsin-Madison Badger Herald)

-------------------------------------

+ Correction of the Month

"Because of a reporter's error, The Declaration incorrectly stated that
officials had found 'internal combustion' in Independence's water
system. The story should have said it was 'internal corruption.' "
	(Independence, Virginia, Declaration)

"A cutline under the photo that ran with the play review of 'Le Grande
Guignol' in last week's issue read 'Four French whores'...when it should
have said 'Four French horrors'...."
	(California State University at Chico's student newspaper, the Orion)

"An 1899 snowstorm mentioned in today's Horizon section, which was
printed in advance, is erroneously said in some editions to have been
measured at National Airport. Actually the airplane hadn't been invented
yet. The snowfall was measured in the District [of Columbia]."
	(Washington Post)

"An article .. on page B1 of Thursday's Oceanside edition ... said
[Oceanside City Council candidate James Bartley] suggested that the city
round up prostitutes on Marine Corps paydays and take them to the desert
for 48 hours, where they would pick up trash before being brough back to
the city. He did not suggest that the city leave prostitutes in the
desert.''
	(Escondido, California's North County Times)

"The Fulton County Expositor incorrectly reported in Tuesday's edition
that recently deceased John T. Cline of Delta was a Nazi veteran of
World War II. The obituary should have read he was a Navy war
veteran...."
	(Fulton County Expositor in Wauseon, Ohio)

-------------------------------------

+ No Kidding...

Politics are Inevitable in Campaign Season
	(New York Times)

Waterskiing Accident Ruled Accidental
	(Trenton, New Jersey, Times)

-------------------------------------

+ Sound Advice:

Dear Unabomber, You Should Have Gotten Rid of the Typewriter
	(Philadelphia Daily News)

-------------------------------------

+ Whatever Turns You On...

"Cleveland Indians pitcher Jose Mesa and another man were arrested on
felony charges of fondling and carrying a concealed weapon."
	(New York Times)

-------------------------------------

+ Maybe Try a Stake Through the Heart?

"For the second time this week, Tampa police Friday shot and killed a
man who they say pinned an officer between two cars."
	(Tampa Tribune)

-------------------------------------

+ Slow News Week:

"There will be no edition of Insurance Week next week...because, well,
frankly, we've temporarily run out of things to write about."
	(Insurance Week magazine)

-------------------------------------

+ Happy Ending:

Chinese Teenager Smokes Himself to Death, Wins Bet
	(over a Reuters story about a 19-year-old who smoked 100 cigarettes
	 in one sitting and then died)

-------------------------------------

+ Thank Goodness:

"Just because you've been laid doesn't mean that you have to go without
a paycheck."
	(from a teaser for an article about a job-search agency, in
	 Waterbury, Connecticut's Republican-American)

-------------------------------------

+ Cross-Disciplinary Solutions:

Hooker Hired to Correct School's Sewage Problem
	(over a story about a local school board hiring Mark Hooker as
	 physical plant manager, in the Delta Democrat Times)

-------------------------------------

+ Open to Interpretation:

"Ernest Ray 'Ernie' Stiles, 80, died...at Rogue Valley Medical Center,
after a successful open heart surgery...."
	(Klamath Falls, Oregon, Herald and News)

-------------------------------------

+ Drastic Measures:

"An outbreak of scabies at the Ann Lee nursing home was contained this
week after the facility and its residents were sterilized, officials
said Wednesday.''
	(Albany Times Union)

-------------------------------------

+ Internal Warfare:

Head Hurts Neck, Out for Season
	(over a story about local pitcher Pete Head in New Windsor,
	 New York's Times-Herald Record)

-------------------------------------

+ Taste and Sensitivity Award:

Mom stumped in search for apartment
	(Valley Times, Pleasanton, California, over a story about a woman
	 with no arms)

-------------------------------------

+ One Would Hope...

"Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25."
	(Denver Post)

-------------------------------------

+ This Just In:

Clinton's Moral Role Vulnerable to Scandal
	(Philadelphia Inquirer)

-------------------------------------

+ The Goalie Didn't Have a Chance:

"A sellout crowd of 19,040 stole the puck from Jamie Huscroft at the right
side of the Boston goal and jammed a shot past goalie Blaine Lacher."
	(Trenton, New Jersey, Times)

-------------------------------------

+ Better Left Unsaid:

Racing is Relaxing Therapy for Kimball's Dick
	(over a story about race car driver Eugene Dick in Minnesota's
	 St. Cloud Times)

-------------------------------------

+ As Opposed To...

Women Make the Best Moms
	(Webster City, Iowa's Daily Freeman-Journal)

-------------------------------------

+ But the Keg Still Had Beer in it!

Party Ends After Woman Is Murdered
	(Mooresville, North Carolina, Tribune)

-------------------------------------

+ Timing is Everything:

"Norwood police officer...kills himself, then his wife, Sandra, at their
Stoughton home."
	(Brockton, Massachusetts, Enterprise)

-------------------------------------

+ Taste and Sensitivity Awards:

Prosecutors Say Simpson Had an Hour to Kill
	(Frederick, Maryland, Post)

-------------------------------------

+ And They Say Justice Is Blind:

Judge Not Convinced Murder Victim is Alive
	(Baltimore's Sun)

-------------------------------------

+ Why Stop at Deer?

States Target Women, Children in Effort to Promote Deer Hunting
	(Houston Chronicle)

-------------------------------------

+ Your Tax Dollars At Work:

Clinton Makes Domestic Violence Appeal To Men
	(Bowling Green, Kentucky, Daily News)

-------------------------------------

+ Politically Correct Governing:

Chick Blasts Sexism on City Council
	(a reference to Los Angeles City Councilwoman Laura Chick in the
	 Los Angeles Daily News)

-------------------------------------

+ Taste and Sensitivity Award:

Short on Results
	(over a story on penile enhancement surgery in the
	 St. Louis Post-Dispatch)

-------------------------------------

+ With Benefits Like This, Who Needs Drawbacks?

French Add Alzheimer's to Benefits of Red Wine
	(New Orleans Times-Picayune)

© 1997 Peter Langston