Fun_People Archive
18 Sep
Church Notes

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Thu, 18 Sep 97 11:44:54 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: Church Notes

Forwarded-by: Dan Hunt <dan@opnsys.com>

A woman went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. "What
denomination?" asked the clerk. "Oh, good heavens!  Have we come to this?"
said the woman. "Well, give me 50 Catholic  and 50 Baptist ones."

"There will be a meeting of the Board immediately after the service,"
announced the pastor. After the close of the service, the group gathered at
the back of the auditorium for the announced meeting. But there was a
stranger in their midst. He was a visitor who had never attended their
church before. "My friend," asked the pastor, did you understand that this
is a meeting of the Board?" "Yes," said the visitor, "and after that sermon,
I'm about as bored as you can get!"

From: a church bulletin: "A new loudspeaker system has been installed in the
church. It was given by one of our members in honor of his wife."

Minister: Do you know what's in the Bible?
Little Girl: Yes. I think I know everything that's in it.
Minister: You do? Tell me.
Little Girl: OK. There's a picture of my brother's girlfriend, a ticket from
the dry cleaners, one of my curls, and a Pizza Hut coupon.

They have Dial-a-Prayer for atheists now. You call up and it rings and rings
but nobody answers.

A young lad was visiting a church for the first time, checking all the
announcements and posters along the walls. When he came to a group of
pictures of men in uniform, he asked a nearby usher, "Who are all those men
in the pictures?" The usher replied, "Why, those are our boys who died in
the service." Dumbfounded, the youngster asked, "Was that the morning
service or evening service?"

A confirmation student was asked to list the Ten Commandments in any order.
He wrote, "3, 6, 1, 8, 4, 5, 9, 2, 10, 7."

© 1997 Peter Langston