Fun_People Archive
15 Sep
What to Say When You're Caught. . .

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Mon, 15 Sep 97 22:01:03 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: What to Say When You're Caught. . .

Forwarded-by: "Dan 'Dante' Tenenbaum" <dante@halcyon.com>
(further forwards lost)

              WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOU ARE CAUGHT LOOKING AT ANOTHER WOMAN
                   - Submitted by Jane Smith
              -------------------------------
A personal guide to what men should say when caught looking at another woman
by wife or girlfriend.

-  I can't believe that outfit she is wearing.  (Said disdainfully)

-  Look at that guy... over there... behind the woman.

-  I think that's a man dressed as a woman!   (Incredulous)

-  Isn't that the actress from the movie Delicatessen?
   (Chances are she hasn't seen that movie- and neither have you,
   but you will get brownie points naming a foreign film,
   and it will be just obtuse enough to distract her.

-  I think that's the girl I knew from high school who eventually
   joined a convent (or was committed to an asylum) and turned out
   to be a real nut case.

-  Help me, I got something in my eye... can't see a thing!

-  I was staring off into space because I was about to have an
   epiphany about the direction of my life and the nature of my
   love for you, but its gone now, thank you very much!

-  Hey, that's the loser I dumped in order to go out with you.
   Boy am I glad I ever got away from her.  What a moron.

-  I know you're probably thinking I was staring at a beautiful
   woman, but to me she is like one of those fancy bakery cakes
   that looks good, but then you have a bite and it is so sweet
   that it makes you sick. She makes me sick.  (It helps if you
   convulse a little at the end here.. maybe it will camouflage
   your drool).

-  I was just thinking how I felt sorry for her - since she can
   never hold a candle to you  (this one might only get you punched,
   but it's worth a try).

-  Do you think she's prettier than me?  (a taste of her own medicine)

© 1997 Peter Langston