Fun_People Archive
4 Sep
The Comedian's Eye View of 09/04/97

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Thu,  4 Sep 97 02:03:17 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: The Comedian's Eye View of 09/04/97

Excerpted-from: 09/04/97 -- ShopTalk

                         Thursday September 4, 1997

	"Dudley Moore has filed for divorce from his wife, citing cruelty.
	 Apparently, she's been putting his food on the top shelf."
			- Conan O'Brien

                               &&&&&&&&&&

In the News: The Mir crew plans a Saturday space walk to patch up some holes
in the exterior walls, says Argus Hamilton.  "The job had been scheduled
for Sunday, but you can't get men to work around the house when there's a
football game on."

House Speaker Newt Gingrich said he probably won't run for president in
2000, says Hamilton.  "His candidness is refreshing.  He said he can't stand
the part of the presidential debate where you have to let the other guy
talk."

"Government officials in France have at long last admitted their country is
a second-ranking global power, behind the United States," says the Olympia
Daily World.  "Now, if they'd only change their stance on Jerry Lewis."

Around the Country: "Officials in New York announced they will spend $8
million to get rid of the rats in the city. Wouldn't it be cheaper just to
vote them out of office?" (Rudolph J. Cecera)

"At 117 years old, Manik Bokchallan of Van Nuys last week became a U.S.
citizen.  After the ceremony, she told reporters, 'I can't wait to meet
President Fillmore.'" (Premiere Morning Sickness)

"When she arrived home and checked her mailbox, there was a call to jury
duty." (Bob Mills)

"Police in Dania, Fla., have arrested two parents for child abuse after
finding their kids ages 13, 6 and 5 begging for money outside a
supermarket," says Bill Williams.  "The parents stated they were just
training the kids for future work for the Democratic National Committee."

© 1997 Peter Langston