Fun_People Archive
2 Sep
The Comedian's Eye View of 09/03/97

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Tue,  2 Sep 97 21:27:27 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: The Comedian's Eye View of 09/03/97

Excerpted-from: 09/03/97 -- ShopTalk

                      Wednesday September 3, 1997

     "Christopher Darden was accused of fathering a 3-month-old
      girl by a brief relationship with a supermarket checker. I
      guess, once again, the glove didn't fit."

                                  Chris Spencer, the host of the new
                                  Quincy Jones' talk show, "Vibe"

                               &&&&&&&&&&

The Prez: "President Clinton has revealed the secret of his remarkable
weight loss," says Alan Ray.  "He no longer eats between scandals."

"The president announced a new plan to ease prison over-crowding.  It should
work. He's going to reduce the number of Cabinet positions." (Ray)

The Wanabe Prez: "Former Vice President Dan Quayle is considering running
for president in 2000.  He's working on getting over the last hurdle- trying
to spell 'millennium.'" (Russ Myers)

Literary Life: Romance novelist Nora Roberts has filed suit against fellow
novelist Janet Dailey for plagiarism, says the Cutler Daily Scoop.
"According to the lawsuit, 'Dailey ripped me off like a frilly negligee
ripped from my body by the hungry hands of my Thor-like lover."

"Roberts claims that the phrases 'nostrils flaring with desire,' 'lips
burning like embers' and 'It's my husband!  Quick, hide in the closet!' were
lifted practically word for word from some of her best work." (Bob Mills)

"UPS is considering getting into the passenger business to make up for the
losses during the strike," says Ray.  "It would be a completely new venture
for them.  They've never lost anything that big."

"Executives at Fox pulled the Scott Baio show 'Rewind' from its fall lineup
even before it aired, saying the show needs to 'evolve' a bit more," says
Steve Voldseth, "which we can only hope translates as 'not in a million
years.'"

How to Be Thin and Dumb: Scientists now warn that fat-reducing drugs may
kill brain cells.  "Recent experiments were pretty conclusive," says Ray.
"After rats were given fen-phen, they turned into supermodels."

The National Institutes of Health suggests drugs such as fen-phen may kill
brain cells.  "Maybe that explains why people keep taking them." (Johnny
Robish)

© 1997 Peter Langston