Fun_People Archive
12 Jun
Spam Libs (Frauenfelder on HotWired)

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Thu, 12 Jun 97 17:54:10 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: Spam Libs (Frauenfelder on HotWired)

Forwarded-by: Keith Bostic <bostic@bostic.com>
Forwarded-by: Jeff Moore <jbm@instinet.com>

This comes from HotWired's `packet' site, at:

    http://www.packet.com/packet/frauenfelder/nc_today.html

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Spam Libs

Bulk email spawns ingenious offensives from the masses

Do you remember Droodles? They're those simple line drawings that look
like nonsense until you read the captions. Droodles were invented in the
'60s by a humorist named Roger Price, an author probably best known for
his stinging critique of American society, The Great Roob Revolution. I
was lucky enough to get to know Roger before he died in 1990. He had lots
of great comics, books, and original art (from people like MAD Magazine
creator Harvey Kurtzman) lying around his Studio City, California, home.

Beside Droodles, Roger also invented Mad Libs. You might remember these,
too. Mad Libs were little books with stories in them. But the stories had
several missing words, with instructions to insert verbs, nouns, and
adjectives in the blank spaces.  The game was played at parties, where
one person asked the others to supply the missing words. Then the story
was read out loud and everybody laughed heartily at the result.  (There
are dozens of Mad Lib knockoffs on the Web.)

Because spammers work their cons anonymously, hiding behind forged email
addresses and working out of PO boxes, our imaginations can run wild about
what they look like. My fantasy spammer is a rat-skinny, potbellied,
40-year-old with a greasy salt-and-pepper ponytail and beard.  And he's
rat-smart: After being spammed with get-rich-on-the-Net messages, he
bought the lists containing millions of email addresses, and he bought
the DIY spam software, and now he's in business for himself, working from
the spare bedroom of his mother's house in a Las Vegas suburb.  I'm
grateful to Roger and his Mad Libs for helping me come up with a fun spam
prank. It all started a couple of weeks ago when I received the following:


	Do you drink bottled water?
	Are you looking for a
	discount? How about 4 cents
	a gallon? With our high
	quality water-filtration
	systems, you can bottle
	your own!! Email your name,
	address, phone# & email
	address to The Water Lady -
	TheWaterLady@----.com

I copied this stupid message into my word processor, and using the
search-and-replace function, swapped every occurrence of the word "water"
with "urine," then sent the result to the Water Lady:

	I received the following
	advertisement and I'm
	wondering if it is a joke?

	Do you drink bottled urine?
	Are you looking for a
	discount? How about 4 cents
	a gallon? With our high
	quality urine-production
	systems, you can bottle
	your own!! Email your name,
	address, phone# & email
	address to The Urine Lady -
	TheWaterLady@----.com

In a couple of hours, I got the following reply:

	Dear Mark:

	I don't know who may have
	done this sh*t (sic) to the
	message. Everywhere the
	word < urine > is found was
	originally < water >.
	Please accept our
	apologies. This is
	somebody's idea of a joke!

Heh - it sure was. Pleased with myself, I sent the mutated mail to my
friends. They got in on the action, respamming the Mad-Libbed message back
to The Urine Lady. Someone even posted the message on
alt.sex.fetish.watersports, with the subject "GOLDEN BOTTLES!" The post
was forged to look as though it were sent by The Urine Lady herself.

That same day, I got a spam trying to sell me a copy of Floodgate
software, a notorious spamming program. I copied the spam to my word
processor and did a few swaps. I changed "Floodgate" to "The Pig Spittle
Drinkers' Toolkit," "email" to "slobber bottle," "program" to
"pig-drool-extraction device," and "software" to "salivary-gland
stimulator." Here's what I sent back to the spammer:

	SPECIAL: Buy the latest
	version of The Pig Spittle
	Drinkers' Toolkit before
	May 21st and receive a list
	of 30 slobber-bottle
	swappers who have millions
	of slobber bottles to swap
	with you as you build your
	database.

	HERE'S WHAT OTHER PIG
	SPITTLE DRINKERS' TOOLKIT
	USERS SAY.....

	"The Pig Spittle Drinkers'
	Toolkit is truly a dream
	come true! By following the
	instructions in the book, I
	was able to develop a list
	of 2,400 slobber bottle
	addresses in less than one
	hour. Furthermore, the
	technical support is
	outstanding. This
	pig-drool-extraction device
	will put me on a level
	playing field with the big
	boys. They don't teach this
	stuff in business school!"

	"This salivary-gland
	stimulator works fantastic
	- I'm so busy now I can't
	keep up with the orders and
	inquiries! Thanks!"

	"I ordered the
	pig-drool-extraction device
	and haven't stopped running
	with it since. With your
	support, (at the drop of a
	hat), with the finest
	pig-drool-extraction device
	ever released for public
	use, I started my dream
	business, a bulk
	slobber-bottle business.

	"If a 'dummy' like me can
	use this salivary-gland
	stimulator, anyone can!
	Great tool!!!"

	[snip]

Soon, my friends and I were mutating and resending almost every spam we
got. Most of the spammers wrote back saying they were mystified and
expressed dismay that anyone would want to hurt their wonderful home-based
business, apologized profusely, and promised that they'd get to the bottom
of the nefarious campaign to defame their good name.

This was our intent: to make them think that someone had intercepted their
spam and was ruining their good name with wacko faux-spam. Only once did
the spammer retaliate by flaming the messenger. Here's the original spam
that a friend received:

	This is a great opportunity
	for your business. How
	would you like to get
	200-300 responses per day
	from your advertisement? At
	Selective Marketing we make
	it happen for your
	business. Selective
	Marketing is a bulk email
	advertiseing (sic) company
	that generates hundreds to
	thousands of responses for
	your business.

	[snip]

Here is his reply to the spammer:

	WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS
	DISGUSTING SATANIC FILTH?
	ALL FORTY-SIX MEMBERS OF
	'CHRISTAIN VIRGINS AGAINST
	INTERNET SEX' RECEIVD THIS
	DISGUSTING PIECE OF HATE
	MAIL AND I DEMAND THAT YOU
	PROVIDE AN EXPLANATION! WE
	ARE CONSULTING OUR LAWYERS
	NOW TO SEE IF LEGAL ACTION
	CAN BE TAKEN!

	JOHNATHON JILLIAN DAVES

	This is a great opportunity
	for your penis. How would
	you like to get 200-300
	penises per day from your
	penis? At Selective
	Marketing we make it happen
	for your penis. Selective
	Marketing is a bulk penis
	advertising company that
	generates hundreds to
	thousands of penises for
	your penis.

The spammer sent 61 identical emails to my friend, which read:

	YOU WILL LEARN NOT TO FUCK
	WITH ME YOU PIECE OF
	SHIT!!!!!!!!!

(My friend said it took him "all of 30 seconds" to save the messages in
a folder.)

If you want to play the Mad Lib Mutated Spam game, here are some tips.
(Remember, some of this stuff might get you in trouble with the long
tentacle of the law, so proceed at your own risk.)

1. Usually, spams do not contain valid email addresses. But there are a
   couple of ways to get a real address. First, you can look up the
   spammer's domain name on InterNIC's Whois database. That'll yield a
   couple of email address you can use.  The other way is to visit the
   spammer's Web site, which is often listed in the spam. If it isn't,
   just try typing the spammer's domain into your Web browser, and see if
   anything pops up. As a last resort, you can fax or snailmail your
   mutated message to the spammer, as they usually list their phone number
   and mailing address in their desperate quest to get their sebum-coated
   hands on your money.

2. If you have an AOL account, create a special email address (you are
   allowed up to five different addresses per account). I send most of my
   Mad-Libbed spams through an AOL address used exclusively for
   antispamming.  That way, if the spammer flips out and decides to mail
   bomb you or forge your name on obscene Usenet postings, it won't
   matter. This also works with Web-based anonymous email services like
   HotMail.

3. If you're technically adept, you might want to try "linking two
   spammers to each other," as another friend suggests. By "sending
   mutated mail to other spammers," says my Mad Lib buddy, "maybe they
   will start suspecting each other of mutual spam mutating, and spamming
   will enter a new era of conspiracy and distrust."

If you get any especially good results from playing Mad Lib Mutated Spam,
please tell me about it!

[Mark Frauenfelder]

Send mail to Mark Frauenfelder at mark@wired.com

Illustration by Dave Plunkert

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© 1997 Peter Langston