Fun_People Archive
21 May
The Comedian's Eye View of 05/21/97

Content-Type: text/plain
Mime-Version: 1.0 (NeXT Mail 3.3 v118.2)
From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Wed, 21 May 97 01:15:08 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: The Comedian's Eye View of 05/21/97

Excerpted-from: 05/21/97 -- ShopTalk

                         Wednesday May 21, 1997

                               $$$$$$$$$$

Our Government: A House committee approved a plan to balance the budget by
2002.  "But a few things have to break the right way.  For instance, an
asteroid has to hit the Earth before all the baby boomers reach retirement
age."  (Argus Hamilton)

According to a tape obtained by ABC, a Whitewater deputy prosecutor said
Hillary Clinton could be indicted. "We don't know what is more shocking-
that ABC got hold of a secret tape or that Kenneth Starr didn't hold a press
conference."  (Cutler Daily Scoop)

The Air Force's first woman B-52 pilot, Lt. Kelly Flinn, is asking for an
honorable discharge instead of a court-martial for adultery.  "Why do you
have to be of impeccable sexual character to drop bombs on people?"  (Daily
Scoop)

"Washington insiders are saying the sexual harassment charges against Sonny
Bono are just a ploy to gain credibility among his colleagues on Capitol
Hill."  (Craig Kilborn)

New in Show Biz: "A baby was finally born to Paul and Jamie on 'Mad About
You,'" says Alex Pearlstein.  "The couple has a name picked out- Sweeps Week
Buchman."

ABC's "Ellen" has been renewed for next year.  "Now I see how this works.
Before you can come back, first you have to come out." (Pearlstein)

Sylvester Stallone has reportedly wed his longtime girlfriend Jennifer
Flavin.  "Saying 'I do' was tough.  Too many lines."  (Alan Ray)

NBC has aired its $40-million miniseries based on "The Odyssey."  "The film
was so exciting that TV execs were heard yelling, 'Get me that Homer guy
and sign him to a three-picture deal.'"  (Premiere Morning Sickness)

"In an all-too obvious attempt to cut costs, instead of Greece, Odysseus
returned to Ithaca, N.Y." (Mills)

Annals of Paleontology: "Scientists said they have uncovered the largest
dinosaur of all time and they're calling it gigantosaurus," says Jay Leno.
"That's the name they came up with?  Gigantosaurus? These are the best minds
in science?  What, was the name bigosaurus already taken?"

"Tiger Woods will get 30 million dollars to endorse American Express.  He's
the third golfer to affiliate with an organization.  Greg Norman is with
Visa.  Fuzzy Zoeller is with master race." (Alan Ray)
prev [=] prev © 1997 Peter Langston []