Fun_People Archive
4 May
Contrite Dutchman, Volunteers, a Road to Suwalki, Dad's Lesson, &

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Sun,  4 May 97 15:03:41 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: Contrite Dutchman, Volunteers, a Road to Suwalki, Dad's Lesson, &
	Haircuts 

Forwarded-by: Steve Hardaway <stehar@dfw.net>
Forwarded-by: Leo J. Lawrenson <Leo@Lawrenson.com>


It was about a month ago when a Dutchman in Amsterdam felt that he needed
to confess, so went to his priest. "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.
During WWII I hid a Jew in my attic." "Well," answered the priest, "that's
not a sin." "But I made him agree to pay me 20 Gulden for every week he
stayed."  "I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause."  "Oh
thank you Father; that eases my mind.  Er, I have one more question..."
"What is that, my son?"  "Do I have to tell him the war is over yet?"

------------------------------------------------------------

A fire started on some grasslands near a farm.  The county fire department
was called to put out the fire.  The fire was more than the county fire
department could handle.  Someone suggested that a nearby volunteer bunch
be called.  Despite some doubt that the volunteer outfit would be of any
assistance, the call was made.

The volunteers arrived in a dilapidated old fire truck.  They rumbled
straight towards the fire, drove right into the middle of the flames and
stopped!  The firemen jumped off the truck and frantically started spraying
water in all directions.  Soon they had snuffed out the center of the fire,
breaking the blaze into two easily-controlled parts.

Watching all this, the farmer was so impressed with the volunteer fire
department's work and was so grateful that his farm had been spared, that
right there on the spot he presented the volunteers with a check for $1,000.
A local news reporter asked the volunteer fire captain what the department
planned to do with the funds.  "That ought to be obvious, " he responded,
wiping ashes off his coat.  "The first thing we're gonna do is get the
brakes fixed on our fire truck!"

-----------------------------------

A tourist is walking on a country road when a farmer comes along with his
horse-drawn cart.

"Excuse me, is this the road to Suwalki?" the tourist asks.
"Yes, it is." says the farmer.
"How far is it?"
"Half an hour ... by cart."
"May I ride with you?"
"Certainly."
After half an hour the tourist begins to grow uneasy.
"How much further is it to Suwalki ... by cart?" he queries.
"Oh, an hour or so."
"What? You told me it was only half an hour away, and we've been travelling
that long already!"
"Yes, but in the opposite direction."

---------------------------------------- -----------------------------

A boy asks his father to explain the differences among irritation,
aggravation, and frustration.

Dad picks up the phone and dials a number at random.  When the phone is
answered he asks, "Can I speak to Alf, please?"  "No! There's no one called
Alf here."  Dad hangs up.  "That's irritation," he says.

He picks up the phone again, dials the same number and asks for Alf a second
time.  "No -- there's no one here called Alf.  Go away.  If you call again I
shall telephone the police."  Dad hangs up and says "That's aggravation."

"Then what's 'frustration'?" asks his son.  The father picks up the phone
and dials the same number a third time:  "Hello, this is Alf. Have I
received any phone calls?"

-------------------------------------------------------------


Haircuts - The difference between men and women

Women's version:

Woman2:	Oh!   You got a haircut!  That's so cute!

Woman1:	Do you think so?  I wasn't sure when she was gave me the mirror.
	I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?

Woman2:	Oh God no!  No, it's perfect.  I'd love to get my hair cut like
	that, but I think my face is too wide.  I'm pretty much
	stuck with this stuff I think.

Woman1:	Are you serious?  I think your face is adorable.  And you could
	easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute
	I think.  I was actually going to do that except that I was
	afraid it would accent my long neck.

Woman2:	Oh - that's funny!  I would love to have your neck!  Anything to
	take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder
	line.

Woman1:	Are you kidding?  I know girls that would love to have your
	shoulders.  Everything drapes so well on you.  I mean,
	look at my arms - see how short they are?  If I had your
	shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.

	- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Men's version:

Man2:	Haircut?
Man1:	Yeah.
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