Fun_People Archive
30 Apr
The Comedian's Eye View of 05/01/97

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Wed, 30 Apr 97 17:46:44 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: The Comedian's Eye View of 05/01/97

Excerpted-from: 05/01/97 -- ShopTalk

                         Thursday May 1, 1997

   "Men are like fish. When you reel 'em in, they wiggle around like
    crazy.  But after a while, they just lie there with that glassy look
    in their eyes."
			-Roz (Peri Gilpin) on "Frasier"

                               &&&&&&&&&&

That L.A. Spirit: "My wife and I went to see 'Volcano,'" says Jay Leno.
"Please, is anybody here scared of a volcano?  Come on, we live in L.A.
We've got earthquakes, fires, killer bees, suicide cults, people castrating
themselves, gangs shooting at each other.  Are we gonna be scared of a
couple of hot rocks rolling down a hill?  I don't think so."

"You knew it was fiction," says the Cutler Daily Scoop.  "A disaster occurs
and nobody says, 'Well, at least it wasn't the Big One.'"

"Audiences were first wowed, then sickened by the lava's eerie resemblance
to movie nacho cheese sauce."  (Alex Pearlstein)

That Volunteer Spirit: Former presidents Jimmy Carter, Gerald Ford and
George Bush joined President Clinton at the Summit for America's Future in
Philadelphia.  "Kind of looked like the Kmart version of Mt.  Rushmore."
(Leno)

"Overheard in the crowd: 'Who are those guys with Colin Powell?'" (Daily
Scoop)

The presidents demonstrated voluntarism in cleaning up neighborhoods.  "They
worked well together," says Jim Shaughnessy.  "Carter and Bush put up the
housing and Clinton rented out the rooms."

Elswhere in the Government: An independent study of the proposed $5.3-
billion bullet train linking Miami, Orlando and Tampa concluded the system
will cost more, carry few passengers and lose money. True, counter Florida
officials.  "But it will do it faster than any train in the U.S. ever has
before."  (The Funny Firm)

The National Transportation Safety Board is expected to approve a plan to
allow people to shut off their air bags. "We already have a plan like that,
don't we?" says Jerry Perisho.  "It's called term limits."

Truck driver Ronald D. Loy dumped his cargo of Army missiles when his
employer wouldn't advance him $500.  "Loy's obviously a few warheads short
of a payload," observes the Daily Scoop.

It's Finally Here: "Ellen comes out tonight," says Alex Pearlstein.  "There
hasn't been this much fuss about a sexual awakening since Alf found himself
alone with that oven mitt."

© 1997 Peter Langston