Fun_People Archive
28 Apr
The Comedian's Eye View of 04/29/97

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Mon, 28 Apr 97 17:14:22 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: The Comedian's Eye View of 04/29/97

Excerpted-from: 04/29/97 -- ShopTalk

                         Tuesday April 29, 1997

    "Bob Dole is lending Newt Gingrich the $300,000 to pay off his ethics
    fine.  You know, most Republicans talk about taking money from the sick
    and old -- but only Newt actually does something about it."
				-Bill Maher on "Politically Incorrect"

                               &&&&&&&&&&

Jay Leno, on Fuzzy Zoeller's apology from making racially insensitive
remarks: "You know what I think he should do to make up for it? Play a round
of golf with O.J.  Like a sudden-death playoff."

Aftermath: The State Department says the US played no role in last week's
military assault by Peruvian commandos to fee the captives.  "That's
obvious," says Jerry Perisho.  "If we'd been involved, first there would
have been House committee hearings, then an independent counsel
investigation and finally only half the funding would have come through."

"NBC is in trouble for broadcasting a Japanese TV network's feed of the
hostage rescue," says Argus Hamilton.  "NBC was operating under Clinton's
law.  This law states it's easier to ask forgiveness than permission."

The administration will add the California coho salmon to species threatened
with extinction.  "Also added to the list was Bob Dornan."

New in Hollywood: "'Volcano' opened Friday," says the Cutler Daily Scoop.
"Let's see: 'The coast is toast.'  The coast has flakes.  The coast has OJ.
The coast is breakfast."

Science file: A study found that during marital conflicts, a man's blood
pressure rises but a woman's doesn't.  "That's because the woman is serene
in the knowledge that she is right," explains the Scoop.

Scientists say 20-million-year-old fossils found in Uganda belong to an
apelike ancestor of man.  "Apparently the creature was capable of standing
upright, swinging from trees and starring in his own Fox sitcom."  (Premiere
Morning Sickness)
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