Fun_People Archive
21 Apr
The Comedian's Eye View of 04/22/97

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Mon, 21 Apr 97 18:15:36 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: The Comedian's Eye View of 04/22/97

Excerpted-from: 04/22/97 -- ShopTalk

                        Tuesday April 22, 1997

    "They claim the picture will be much better.  Well, pardon me.  But the
    quality of the picture is not what's wrong with television.  What we
    need is not clearer pictures but better programs...Is digital television
    going to make 'Sabrina' any better?"
				- CBS' Andy Rooney on HDTV

                               &&&&&&&&&&

PROMISSORY NEWT: Regarding Bob Dole lending Newt Gingrich $300,000 to pay
his ethics fine, Jay Leno says, "How'd you like to have Bob Dole as your
banker?  'Bob Dole wants his money back...' 'Bob Dole is foreclosing.'"

The deal calls for Newt to repay the loan over eight years at 10% interest
and write, "'Bob Dole is not the tax collector for the welfare state' 100
times." (Alex Kaseberg)

"When asked the terms of the loan, Gingrich said, 'I don't have time to
explain.  I have to pick up Bob's laundry.'" (Premiere Morning Sickness)

"Newt had to get a personal loan," Argus Hamilton explains.  "The banks
refused to accept the voices inside his head as references."

"Lending money to a man who admits he lied about his financial dealings?
Gee, now we're kinda glad Dole didn't get put in charge of the economy."
(Cutler Daily Scoop)

"From GOP to IOU." (Jenny Church)

"Anybody see Sammy 'the Bull' Gravano on 'PrimeTime Live?'" asks Leno.
"He's left the witness protection program.  He's in hiding.  Even Diane
Sawyer doesn't know where.  Actually, we found out where he is- Wrigley
Field, box seats behind first base."

The Fight Against Fat: "Those new fat-burning pills will be easier to use
than exercise equipment," says Kaseberg.  "The only drawback of pills versus
home gyms is that you can't hang your clothes on the pills."

© 1997 Peter Langston